Friday, December 15, 2006

lost

I’m right in front of the lanterns at the PGH quad. Haven’t had even a tad of shut-eye, btw. Spent most of the overnight lantern duty telling joa about my almost love life. Haha. anyway, I really wish we win 1st. the batch really worked hard on it. I’ve even been suffering from flatulence related to lack of sleep for the past 2 days now.

Haaay. Must I go and blab again? I guess maybe I wouldn’t feel awful or would feel better if we were friendly. He doesn’t need to share juicy details and such but, you know, a bit of teasing and conversing about movies would be nice.

Do I want to be more than friends? I don’t know. I mean, I love the person but what else is there? He is soo not ready for a commitment. Blah blah. I’m sorry to admit it but he did make me fee awful about myself and nearly drove me to insanity! We don’t have much in common. And values? Miles apart. I mean, I’m not quite sure if we feel similarly in things that truly matter but I do have the sneaking suspicion that the answer’s not good. So why do I love the person? I don’t know. Maybe because, for a short time, he made me feel loved. Maybe because he arrived without my asking, because he endured my dramatics. Maybe because I enjoy talking with him (that is, when we do get to talk).

I think I can handle being just friends. If only I’d been given a real shot at that.

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