the Boss and the Creation Paradigm

Lord, i don't know what to do with my life! well, actually, i do.  i know why i'm here, i know what i'm supposed to do--i just can't seem to find a way to do it!

i know i need to wait patiently, graciously for You.  i know Your help will come.  i just wanted to tell you how i felt.  but even if i don't know precisely what will happen today or tomorrow or next month or next year, i am certain that You are always Boss, and You will always have your kids' backs.

***after writing this in my journal 12 seconds ago, i suddenly remembered something i learned back in college--arguably one of THE most important lessons, actually.  my professor refers to it as the Creation Paradigm.  she taught me not to settle for what seems possible or feasible, but to do whatever it takes to make the impossible dream a reality.  to create our perfect world.  that's what You and i are gonna do, right? ;)

blind

though i be blinded by tears,
i walk the paith straight,
for it is my faith that leads the way.

Secretariat

Secretariat is the greatest racehorse who ever lived--he had both speed and endurance, and he really went the distance.  just watched this movie last Sunday, although i think i like Seabiscuit's story better :)


i'm usually an optimistic person.  but lately i've been really down in the dumps and have had extreme difficulty trying to find the good in certain situations.  for instance, i am literally swamped with work right now.  i'm not even looking forward to the Christmas season as much because i know that i'll end up working during most of it, same as last year.

an unrealistic amount of work has been assigned to us and i am frustrated because this whole cramming situation could have been avoided had some people higher up had the sense to manage their time properly.  i'm also upset because many of my suggestions have been shunned, even though my co-workers and i believe that some of these would really be helpful, especially considering the tight spot we're in at the moment.  i feel like we aren't only overworked and taken for granted, we're also undervalued and underappreciated.  and that really pisses me off more than anything.  yet here i am.

currently i have a very limited pool of motivations that keep me working and prevent me from going awol.  1 is You, of course.  i don't want to give You a bad name. 2nd is i don't want to cause additional hardships for my coworkers and yes, even my bosses, although the despicable me sometimes thinks it would serve them right.  3rd i hate quitting, especially when i'm so close to the finish line.  4th i need a recommendation letter for grad school (my selfish reason).

i know there MUST be something to be learned from all this.  and i do hope i get the lesson the first time, so i can avoid this situation altogether in the future.

please help me find the strength to keep on running this race.

i think doing something just to get over with it is perhaps the worst way to waste one's time.  you're much beter off daydreaming about siberian huskies and golden retrievers, or singing along to a karaoke machine, or even clipping your nails.  at least they're much more satisying. or useful.

i don't know how i'm supposed to keep going, especially when the only motivation i have for working is so that i can finish it and get out of this situation asap.  i know i should still do my best--i gave my word and breaking it would wreak havoc (is this an exaggeration?) on my boss, colleagues, and the project.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..."  --Colossians 3:23