acceptance and forgiveness. yes, i still cannot fully grasp that there is absolutely no way for us to be us. that there is no chance at all. and though i am not mad at him, i hate how i turned out. i don't know if i learned much, if i have improved as a person. i'm still slacking off, still self-conscious, still cravinf for attention every once in a while. and i don't like that i went through all that to end up with nothing. (or didn't i?)
they say it is better to have loved and lost. in some cases, i agree. for at least you recognize the feeling. you learn to let yourself go. but also, for some, it may have been better to remain where they were. for falling in and out of love is like jumping off a cliff on a hang glider. you take the step that launches you into the air. you soar. and then you plop on lower ground, tripping over yourself. and when you're really unlucky, you get stuck in a tree or end up in a pool of mud or a swamp filled with alligators. where did i end up?
when i think about it, yes, it is a grievous loss. but it would've been ok if we talked about it (okay, that may have been partly my fault that we didn't.) and that we go back to being civil, on the road to becoming friends once again...
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