here i am, just making the most of my internet time at Netbooster....
the scene: a bit cramped, but tidy, nonetheless. mostly adolescent males playing whatever it is kids play these days. the twenty-something guy at my left just finished looking at Christina Aguilera photos. no, they aren't dirrty at all.
my mood: state of anguish and desperate depression, not to mention a knack for being annoyingly redundant.
rationale: it's been a sucky week, no doubt. academic problems. then there are the problems with just about everything else. long story, will elaborate some other time. the thing is, i'll be removing N105 on Monday. it really bites because i thought i was doing okay. and by okay, i mean, just enough to escape the removals. 2 failed long exams. some had it worse but aren't taking the exam on Monday. i'm not saying i ought to be with them. on the contrary, i hate myself even more. i could've done something about it, after all. i'm darn scared because failing it would mean free mornings for the rest of the sem. and surprisingly, i find myself preferring the stress and early mornings and late nights over...nothing. a year of nothings, to be exact. i don't want to miss out on all that. then there's the fact that i don't want others to feel sorry for me either. but why shouldn't they when i can't even control myself from doing the same thing?
then there's the fact that i'm starting to think i'm meant to be single. don't ask why, please.
the worst part of all this is that i don't have anyone physically with me whom i can talk with. it's awful because i think i have been a supportive person to those who need it but i always find myself in situations where i don't have anyone. there's God of course. but i need someone to hug and cry to, someone who will completely understand even without me explaining everything. but it would be too weird to hug the cross hanging on the wall of my dorm room. it would just confirm my roommates' recent accusations of my being crazy.
so that's it. my time is almost up. just needed to let it all out. been doing a lot of that lately. i sure hope no one gets hurt in the process.
the brighter side: there always is. one, i watched Pirates, finally. and two, someone's willing to look at my shoe designs. hoorah. now, if only i had the time to compile them...
note to everyone: don't worry. i won't be stupid. you know me, smiley face, sad face, smiley face. i just don't want to be sad face too soon...
