SJ

isn't it funny how when you're waist-deep in troubles or everything in your life seems like shit, there's always one thing that manages to cheer you up? it can be a person, a certain song, a perfect memory, the view outside your window...

eleven days

there are only 11 days til this year ends and another one begins.  11 days!!! 353 1/2 days have gone by completely, and pretty quick too;  i'm sure the next handful will be like a whirlwind that sweeps us off our feet and leaves us in a tangled daze afterwards.  i have eleven days to make sure i look back at his year with a fond smile instead of bitter regrets.

it's funny how the things that happened at the start and during the middle of the year do not seem to be as significant as those that happened only recentl or are about to happen soon.  whis is that so?  why is there an immense amount of importance and meaning attached to how things end?  maybe it's the idea of being given second chances.  maybe it's because it's at the end that our hoping pays off and our faithfulness is rewarded.  maybe it's about rising above the situations faced, no matter how wretched.  maybe it's about being saved.

i have eleven days to make sure that when i talk of this particular year, i can be honest in saying that it was good.  indeed, for the most part, it has been.  i know that my struggles at work have been particularly prominent these last few months and, as such, i tend to believe that has been all hardships all this time.  but that isn't really so...

first, i have gone a few steps further in the pursuit of my calling--faced the truth, taken a class, networked, researched, poured my heart out, did a couple of small projects and vaguely landed myself in some more for the coming year.  there's also the prospect of studying again.  heck, i even (sort of) told my parents!!  and almost all this in the 2nd half of the year alone.

second, i'm slowly starting to realign my life, to focus on the essentials, as opposed to the shiny ornamentations that so many of us have become distracted with.  i'm learning not to rely so much on things to bring me joy, but to find true contentment in every moment regardless of what i have or where i am.

then there's the fact that i'm really learning to open up to more people, as well as try to preserve and deepen the existing relationships i have.  i've rediscovered friends and made new ones from acquaintances and that has been a great source of comfort this past year.  i'm even trying to be much more loving towards my own family, and to open up my heart to them more (even if it means terrible, uncomfortable moments).  and of course, there's You, whom i do try to approach and be intimate with, even if i am unworthy.   i know that i want to please You, be good for You, and accomplish the mission You set out for me to do.

now that i think about it, i don't need eleven days to make this year magical--it already is.  but i do have eleven days to thank the Lord for this year.  eleven days to keep trying to remember the essence of life and love on earth--that i may never forget it in the coming years.

we all have eleven days ;)

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

not against other people, but against wrongs.

grasp, gentle yet firm

15th day of December, year 2010

remember this day.

blind

though i be blinded by tears,
i walk the paith straight,
for it is my faith that leads the way.

Secretariat

Secretariat is the greatest racehorse who ever lived--he had both speed and endurance, and he really went the distance.  just watched this movie last Sunday, although i think i like Seabiscuit's story better :)


i'm usually an optimistic person.  but lately i've been really down in the dumps and have had extreme difficulty trying to find the good in certain situations.  for instance, i am literally swamped with work right now.  i'm not even looking forward to the Christmas season as much because i know that i'll end up working during most of it, same as last year.

an unrealistic amount of work has been assigned to us and i am frustrated because this whole cramming situation could have been avoided had some people higher up had the sense to manage their time properly.  i'm also upset because many of my suggestions have been shunned, even though my co-workers and i believe that some of these would really be helpful, especially considering the tight spot we're in at the moment.  i feel like we aren't only overworked and taken for granted, we're also undervalued and underappreciated.  and that really pisses me off more than anything.  yet here i am.

currently i have a very limited pool of motivations that keep me working and prevent me from going awol.  1 is You, of course.  i don't want to give You a bad name. 2nd is i don't want to cause additional hardships for my coworkers and yes, even my bosses, although the despicable me sometimes thinks it would serve them right.  3rd i hate quitting, especially when i'm so close to the finish line.  4th i need a recommendation letter for grad school (my selfish reason).

i know there MUST be something to be learned from all this.  and i do hope i get the lesson the first time, so i can avoid this situation altogether in the future.

please help me find the strength to keep on running this race.

wow

so this is how busy i've been. i didn't even rant online for half a month! hahahah.
never ever try to cram a year's worth of activities in a quarter.  you'll get a year's worth of illnesses too X_X

anyway, i was just marvelling at the power that love has.  i was doing some calls for work a while ago and was advised to write to the director of this company and, surprise surprise! they share the same name.  just hearing that word, even if it's not the same person, makes me smile from ear to ear.

wait, did i say love? hmmmm....