mirrors

do i doubt myself, my talents?
yes. i have no idea how i compare to the people who have made it. i have no assurance that i will make it, myself. i have no experience, no education, no recommendation of any kind. i have zip.

all i have are these weak hands, this mediocre brain, this flawed heart.
all i have is a dream, a hope, a passion, a vision.
all i have is the faith that things will work out as they are meant to do so.
all i have is a God whom i trust completely, and who looks out for me at all times.

do i doubt myself, my talents?
yes, very much so.
but i cannot let my doubts imprison me any more.
i have to take that step, that leap.
i must walk, decidedly, into the dark abyss of trials and suffering. but i would do so with a ray of light of hope, with faith and gracious uncertainty. with You.

gracious uncertainty

"With gracious uncertainty, we can be confident in our expectations, knowing our hope in the Lord will not disappoint." (Romans 5:5)

i'm tired.

i'm tired of caring for people. for this world--it's exhausting, frustrating...especially when they don't care back or acknowledge the effort, or worse, when they hate you all the more for giving a damn.

but i guess it's still better than caring just for myself or not caring at all. because at least, when you get to the Holy Gates, you can say that you tried.

keep caring, kat. keep trying.

22

i get it now. your love is better than life; it's more than what i ever expected life could ever be. then, it was about dreams and goals, money and things, myself and my problems. now, it is about family and friends, purpose and love, You and my mission.

everything just falls into place after that first step of acknowledgment and acceptance.

"...
for You O Lord make the sunshine and the moonlight and the night sky
You give me breath and all Your love
I give my heart to You because I can't stop falling in love with you
..."

Thank You for putting things in their rightful place. i know You're with me on my way to mine as well. and i finally have hope of getting there, thanks to You.

i love You. i can't even fathom that there was a time when i didn't know You, didn't know You loved me. now Your love leaves my heart full of hope and joy, faith and love--i am runneth over, a cistern that overflows, with life.

i hope that i can fulfill the purpose and mission you have set for me, and pay forward the blessings i have received from your infinite rivers.