the art of letting go

Today marks a profound, though bittersweet, milestone for all of
us...

...as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning.

And while we must continue on, we must also be grateful to have
been blessed with someone who has so ably guided us to where we
are today.

When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it
is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our
lives; for moving forward is rarely accomplished without
considerable grief and sadness.

And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear and
 the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light,
 we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of
exciting challenges and infinite possibility, in which the horizon
 will stretch out before us, rimmed in the heavenly glow of the
sunrise of our tomorrow.

pretending to be summer

it has been quite a week. the last real entry i wrote was on April 17 and it was about starting a new life and how excited i was to be doing just that. ironically enough, i got to a bit of a slow start when it came to journal-writing and i hadn't been able to write what i wanted to. so, here's a recap:

i'm taking NatSci 5 and STS this summer. i'm not sure if taking the latter was a smart move because it requires a lot of work daily. however, i somewhat reluctantly decided to take it so i'd have more free time in the 1st sem which i hopefully can devote to service or something worthwhile. in STS, i'm with Jayson, Pau and AR. it's great because i haven't spent time with Pau and AR for most of the school year and they are a part of Gorgeous that i miss. i hope it turns out ok, the time i get to spend with them.

i also started tutoring last tuesday. it's been fun. i considered giving it up because i always have to go home late and because i predict that STS will be toxic. right now, however, i'm testing if i can make it. besides, i sort of see my former self in Jovy, in how we view God, and i really want to help reveal the true God to him because that truth has made all the difference in my life. btw, i got my 1st pay yesterday: P1,200! that's for 4 days. yay!

speaking of revealing God to others, that's something i decided i should do for the rest of Gorgeous., especially after Wednesday's worship @ the wall. I’ve been selfish, keeping the wonders of knowing God to myself, assuming that some are not “good” enough for it. I will let them decide. I’ll do my best and I pray that they do realize how much they want to love God too. Oh, Pau went to that worship! I think she really wants to just do right in her life and not think of past heartbreak. It’s true that we need suffering sometimes so we may be reminded of God’s presence and his great love for us, as was my case. Btw, Mapua has daily worship…I am a bit envious. I want to worship God too! But I guess there is more than one way of worshipping Him. That includes journal-writing, reading the Bible, praying, doing good, and even reading PDL. I hope I am honest in saying that I am trying to do all these. I’m now on my 4^th day of the PDL journey. My partner is Eric but the group also consists of Meedge, Har, Roni, Tin, and Jaq! Today, it reminded me of how life is only a preparation for eternity with God. Yesterday, it was about the importance of having a purpose life is driven towards. We talked about this @ CN tambayan and commented on how thankful we are that we’ve been given the chance to start getting to know God already.

So, I’ve talked about friends, acads, service. Family is sort of ok. My sisters and I got to bond a bit yesterday during ate cla’s birthday dinner at home. I really missed those moments although we did have our own version of that @ Room 4 J still not in best terms with...

God is like the wind. you can't see it, but you can feel it.

i finally watched "a walk to remember" again. the first time i did was years ago and, recently, i had been wanting to see it.

this shot was taken by kuya Jian (thanks for the pic!) on the trip back to metro manila from Bicol. ILC was a blast! watch out for an update.

"the end" precedes a new beginning

i'm almost through with my 2nd journal. i'm quite excited because it signifies a new beginning for me. when i first started writing over a year ago, my entries were mostly about me; about love and happiness and sorrow and hardships. now, i have come to realize that it is about God...my everything is about Him.

i know that i'm not perfect. in fact, i'm far from it. i am nothing. but through Him, i am becoming something. it has been quite a journey so far and i expect that God, awesome as He is, only makes it better as time progresses. i am giddy and excited at the thought of a new life; a life devoted to serving Him by serving everyone! i am excited at the thought of knowing and loving the Lord even more everyday and at the possibility of our relationship growing stronger. i am excited to live this life for Him.

so, what changes will occur in my new journal? it will start happy, for one. it will be about God and how He works in every moment of my life and yours. it will be about my struggle towards becoming a better person. most parts of my current journal (which is actually entitled Booster as well), towards the end, have been about that. the new one will no longer be named that. i'll have to think of something fitting.

i have much to do on this journey. read the Bible and other books. reflect and pray. worship. improve my relationship with others. listen and learn from others. think of God's greatness in every second of life. do well in all 5 areas, help others, improve my character, and so much more! it is a seemingly insurmountable task when i think about it, but i know that God is with me and supports me all the way. i can do all things through Him.

it has been a crazy 19 or so years. the past 5 months have been such a high and the past 1 year and 2 months have been quite a roller coaster ride. there have been highs, lows, twists, turns, pauses, peaks, screaming, puking, and just about everything else! and you know what, it has all been worth the while. life has never been this good. i have never experienced such a yearning for Him this way, a great thirst to serve Him. i admit that i'll probably be committing plenty of mistakes. however, i believe that the Lord is preparing me, that the Lord will make me able....

i'm a bit sleepy now. must make a list later....

the Lord is truly wonderful. He has given me, us, LIFE.

Kira, Myself, and Chia --> these were taken last 02/17/06

fresh out

i did some major spring cleaning a while ago. 6 hours of rummaging through piles of my junk and memories! it was tiring, yes. frustrating, definitely. but amidst all the confusion regarding how i was going to properly file my papers or cluster my accessories, i reminisced of fond memories. i found tons of old photographs and letters and bits of priceless keepsakes which my sisters fondly refer to as trash. i chanced upon an autograph book and realized that only one girl from my 4th grade clique remained my good friend (great friend actually). i also discovered only 1.75 years later that the butterfly chimes i got from iah's debut were glow-in-the-dark (i hung them in the study after i found them)! however, one of the most striking "lightbulb" moments occurred when i unearthed ate kathleen's kris kringle gift for me during the 1st year Christmas party @ CN.

it was a fluffy red box shaped like a perfect heart. on the lid is a cute little brown puppy. i remember the note that came with it. it said that one day, i'd fill the box with memories of my soulmate. i opened the box and found nothing. zip. not even a small fluff of dust. i placed it back in its christmas themed paper bag. then i tucked it back into my closet drawer. i remember how i used to take it out every once in a while, fantasizing. once, i placed a guitar string in it. after a while, i removed it. then, i contemplated putting a blank gift card in it but never did, wanting to make sure i wouldn't be removing it after a few months. to this day, i haven't dared to put anything in it. i had almost forgotten about it because i stopped taking it out of my closet for almost a year. and although i am fresh out of romance at the moment, i still hope that the thought and yearning will bloom into the real thing. if it is God's will, then i am sure it will be beautiful. if not, i'm ready. i can hack it (although i might be depressed at first). after all, i know that i can be a spoon even without a fork.


**this is probably typical of a girl who just transferred to a co-ed university from 11 years of exclusive all-girls schooling. i somehow thought that the NBSB status would change soon as there were guys available. well, i guess it's sort of my choice that i stayed this way right now. before, it was about finding the right person. that was a flop. now, the tables have turned. i want to become the right person first. although sometimes i do feel a bit desperate, 'coz i feel like i have eons to go before i get there. also, sometimes i think there are potential future GGs. haha. but then i just pull myself back by saying to myself that i don't want to need someone. i want to believe and prove that i am complete on my own. i mean, having someone say, "You complete me" to you is such a burden only Jesus could carry.

two way things

what the heck does it mean? i wrote it on my journal last April 1st..i can't remember what i meant by it. any ideas?