How Great is our God?

writing gig

i'm in! yay! got accepted. i just got a new part-time job which involves mainly writing movie and tv reviews of my choice. cool, huh? two of my favorite art forms combined: literature and film. it's only a thousand bucks a month and i have to make two articles every week, but i guess that's an okay deal. can't wait.

BATAD = UNO - (meedge+kat)

i wish i were with them....

freedom of choice--it's a funny thing, isn't it? there's destiny and fate, yet there is also freedom of choice. can one exist with the other? for some weird reason, i have always strongly believed in both.

ever since i began to realize that every decision made and action done has its corresponding consequences, i've tried to make the most out of everything, i tried to think things through and even plan the minute details of my life. of course, i'd be lying if i said i stuck to the plan a 100% since i have given myself some, say, creative freedom. after all, it is my choice still. my life...

i firmly believe that we always have the right and power to choose. even when you are being tortured for an answer, you have a choice: to resist or to give in. i believe that when people mess up, it is their fault. when they allow the harsh realities of life to keep biting them, it was their choice. it is actually for this same reason that i do not like people who complain and curse about every misfortune that is thrown their way. after all, if you are unsatisfied with the way things are, you ought to do something! are you going to let it defeat you while doing nothing? 'tis better to lose in battle than surrender but still lose. 'tis better to preserve a sens of dignity and integrity than wallow in self-pity.

last week, i hade made a terrible decision to not decide. for the first time since i developed my "woman of the world" attitude, i depepnded wholly on someone else to make a decision for me. for some reason that is yet to be unearthed, i could not fully decide for myself if i wanted, truly wanted, to join BATAD. i wasn't sure if i wanted to leave my family at such a precocious time, and for three days too! i was not sure if it would be safe. i was afraid my parents would think it ridiculous for me to even consider going to an isolated beach without a real adult. i wondered if going to BATAD meant less chances of being allowed to attend YFC events. so, i asked them for permission without even having made my choice. and they decided not to let me go. it was only a few hours after that moment of initial relief from having escaped making a crucial decision by myself did i realizee that i did want to go. i want to swim and relax and have a real vacation. i want to be undisturbed, to take a break from the stress the city brings. most of all, i wanted to get to know UNO better and live like a family with them...because they are family. they've only always supported me, put up with me, and loved me. even if we had our rifts and differences, we've remained true to each other.

it's funny how things are, isn't it? we've despicably mastered the art of taking things for granted: our family and friends, school, privileged lifestyle, complete body parts, oxygen and water, nature, sunlight, the cool breeze on a humid day...everything has become nothing in this new age we live in. but once in a while, reality hits us on the head and we learn to appreciate even the simplest joys life has generously provided us...before resuming our old i-could-care-less way of living. so, in hopes of never returning to that state of thinking, i'd like to give a big shout out to God: thanks for everything! seriously. and to you (yes you), thanks for being a part of my life. i know i don't always act like it but i do appreciate and love you. today, i choose. i choose to be true. i choose to do what is right. i choose to love. i choose to believe. i choose to see the significance of everything in this world and beyond. i choose to appreciate what has been given to me and even what has been denied me. i choose to do what the Lord has tasked me to do. i choose to live for Him. heck, i choose to live.

halo-halo

i haven't written in a long time. i got my priorities mixed up. rather, i just forgot them altogether. in place of writing/praying/reflecting, i have daydreamed. yes, i spent precious time daydreaming. at some point, it was productive--giving me ideas regarding my future service. however, there did come a time when i was supposedly too engrossed in it that i lost the heart of service and got carried away fantasizing about the perceived worldly benefits of such. i realized that God was no longer at the center of it and what was meant to be beautiful had turned into a massive and quite uncontrollable monster. i couldn't stop. i had attached my hopes and wishes into figments of imagination. thankfully, God helped withdraw my mind from what could've been the worst and, quite frankly, the most authentic "relapse" of mine. He made me feel how He has forgiven me even before i approached Him for forgiveness. truly, our Lord is most merciful. He keeps saving us from evil, even if we seem not to want it. like a true parent, He deals with us in the most loving and appropriate manner possible. i really hope this lasts. i know i need to put more effort in both fighting sin and living true goodness. i need to pray more and do my best to develop Christ's character.

Lord please help me. please enable me to defeat my demons so i may have no impediments in my quest to accomplish whatever You will of me.