where is thy eternal sunshine?

it's amazing. gives quite a different perspective on soulmates. shows what "meant to be" truly means....okay, i know you get it. see, i just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and i must admit, it has paved the way for my resetting of "fave movie" standards. in fact, i'll probably edit that list after i finish writing this. forgive me if my thoughts will seem unorganized. i just need to jot it all down before i lose anything.

it's amazing how you could despise almost every inch of someone yet love them for that; how you feel insane when you're with someone, in both terrifying and beautiful ways; how you try to erase someone out of your life forever yet find that all the powers of the world conspire to show you that you can never completely get rid of the pencil marks on paper, not even with the best Staedler clay eraser.

now i still don'e get the title [though i find it very catchy]. i've a feeling i missed out on important conversations. darn hearing problem. i'll have to buy a DVD..heehee. nice excuse, huh?

***i'm making a mental note to start reading poems: must be part of that quote from Alexander Pope's Eloisa to Abelard...in the movie, i mean. there might actually be something to poems. they're inspiring and emotional but don't have a complicated and detailed story incorporated so you won't get hung up and insanely wish that all the happy scenes were actually taking place in your life. oh wait, that might just be me. pardon my psychotic depression.

sliding doors

this took place at the MRT:

i was on my way to FIP. so there i was, waiting for the train to arrive. and arrive it did. there were quite a number of people in front of me so i said to myself, "no sweat. i'll take the next one. i'm in no hurry, after all". but, to my surprise, i was moving towards the wide open door. only, i didn't exactly do anything for that to happen. it wasn't against my will or anything, but still. so, i was swept by the wild currents into the sea of people rushing to get to their destinations.

the moral:

absolutely nothing. heehee..i did nothing, after all. but perhaps an insight. see, sometimes, the tide overwhelms and takes you..you feel you have no choice and naught the strength to fight it. but you always do. and the question becomes, "do you want to?"

*The Perfect Fabric*

since i'm studying sewing at the Fashion Institute of the Philippines, i needed to buy some materials for my 1st project. i had a simple fabric in mind..just khaki cotton or maybe a little safari print material. something you'd expect to find everyday. at first, i was scared. who wouldn't be? i'd be showing my choice of fabric to some of THE designers in this country. there's shanon pamaong, aries inigo, and john herrera. they would see my fabric. what if they found it tacky? i'd be forever labeled..haunted by that single decision. they would think me unfit to be in their school and would find me so..un-designer. but in the end, i went with my gut and said to myself, "yep. that's the one i want". this all happened just on the way to divisoria, by the way. so, i got there. i figured it'd be easy cause my fabric is simple. in divisoria, they've got all kinds of satin, lame, shantung, chiffon, linens, wool, fabric for beds and curtains and tables. but by the time i had had enough and was starting to receive wickedly amused faces from the vendors, i decided to settle with navy blue twill. the nautical look is in, after all. i could just add gold chains and stuff. but then i thought to myself,

"why? what i wanted was just so simple..nothing fancy..it's not even my idea of a perfect fabric. but no matter how simple it was, i wanted it but didn't find it. there was the high-end stuff..but i was required to get something crisp and easy to sew. i couldn't get that. there were crisp stuff..but they were unfit for a skirt and seemed meant for pillowcases. why not my khaki or safari print cotton?"

then i realized that it's just the same with life. sometimes it's easier to be on the extremes..easier to find luxurious things. we could settle for those but then you realize, it's not really what you need. or how about the impossibly perfect guy who's just not meant for you? you can't put your finger on it, but you know it's just not it. why, oh why, indeed?

or perhaps i was just expecting too much from DV...it might've been the wrong place after all