Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Simbang gabi!
my 1st time here in the city and, you know, with the the exception of Christmas day. Hahaha. Di, clara and mads are with me. Toodles!
style + ice + sojun + literature
I’m gonna do a fashion show! Well, just one piece, but still. Haha.
Went ice-skating again. Fell so many times and I even displayed anaphylactic reactions to the cold. By the time I went out the rink, my fingers were so swollen it looked like I had 10 thumbs! Haha.
Then, we had our Christmas party at Room 4. yep, just me, ate di, clara, and ria. We had so much fun eating, talking, exchanging gifts, drinking sojun—a Korean alcoholic beverage (well, this part was both dreadful and fun), dancing with a pseudo disco light c/o ate di’s flashlight, and hiding the bottle when Sister Elvira went into our room! Hahaha.
Anyway, I don’t know if it’s from reading Elizabeth or maybe because I don’t see him (literally), but I’m okay. Maybe I was just being curious but I think I can survive without knowing what really happened. And maybe I have come to accept that though I love him, we really aren’t meant for each other. And I don’t even mean that in a bitter way at all. I guess we just weren’t the right mix, although we are great persons, individually. And yes, I am still hoping and waiting for my soulmate; the one God has made for me; the one that will improve me further when and only when I cannot do so on my own any longer.
Although I do wish we could be friends, I know that I am ready for that new chapter in my life no. I no longer want to keep flipping back and forth. Now that I think I have sufficient understanding of what happened, I am finally ready for what is about to take place.
Went ice-skating again. Fell so many times and I even displayed anaphylactic reactions to the cold. By the time I went out the rink, my fingers were so swollen it looked like I had 10 thumbs! Haha.
Then, we had our Christmas party at Room 4. yep, just me, ate di, clara, and ria. We had so much fun eating, talking, exchanging gifts, drinking sojun—a Korean alcoholic beverage (well, this part was both dreadful and fun), dancing with a pseudo disco light c/o ate di’s flashlight, and hiding the bottle when Sister Elvira went into our room! Hahaha.
Anyway, I don’t know if it’s from reading Elizabeth or maybe because I don’t see him (literally), but I’m okay. Maybe I was just being curious but I think I can survive without knowing what really happened. And maybe I have come to accept that though I love him, we really aren’t meant for each other. And I don’t even mean that in a bitter way at all. I guess we just weren’t the right mix, although we are great persons, individually. And yes, I am still hoping and waiting for my soulmate; the one God has made for me; the one that will improve me further when and only when I cannot do so on my own any longer.
Although I do wish we could be friends, I know that I am ready for that new chapter in my life no. I no longer want to keep flipping back and forth. Now that I think I have sufficient understanding of what happened, I am finally ready for what is about to take place.
Friday, December 15, 2006
lost
I’m right in front of the lanterns at the PGH quad. Haven’t had even a tad of shut-eye, btw. Spent most of the overnight lantern duty telling joa about my almost love life. Haha. anyway, I really wish we win 1st. the batch really worked hard on it. I’ve even been suffering from flatulence related to lack of sleep for the past 2 days now.
Haaay. Must I go and blab again? I guess maybe I wouldn’t feel awful or would feel better if we were friendly. He doesn’t need to share juicy details and such but, you know, a bit of teasing and conversing about movies would be nice.
Do I want to be more than friends? I don’t know. I mean, I love the person but what else is there? He is soo not ready for a commitment. Blah blah. I’m sorry to admit it but he did make me fee awful about myself and nearly drove me to insanity! We don’t have much in common. And values? Miles apart. I mean, I’m not quite sure if we feel similarly in things that truly matter but I do have the sneaking suspicion that the answer’s not good. So why do I love the person? I don’t know. Maybe because, for a short time, he made me feel loved. Maybe because he arrived without my asking, because he endured my dramatics. Maybe because I enjoy talking with him (that is, when we do get to talk).
I think I can handle being just friends. If only I’d been given a real shot at that.
Haaay. Must I go and blab again? I guess maybe I wouldn’t feel awful or would feel better if we were friendly. He doesn’t need to share juicy details and such but, you know, a bit of teasing and conversing about movies would be nice.
Do I want to be more than friends? I don’t know. I mean, I love the person but what else is there? He is soo not ready for a commitment. Blah blah. I’m sorry to admit it but he did make me fee awful about myself and nearly drove me to insanity! We don’t have much in common. And values? Miles apart. I mean, I’m not quite sure if we feel similarly in things that truly matter but I do have the sneaking suspicion that the answer’s not good. So why do I love the person? I don’t know. Maybe because, for a short time, he made me feel loved. Maybe because he arrived without my asking, because he endured my dramatics. Maybe because I enjoy talking with him (that is, when we do get to talk).
I think I can handle being just friends. If only I’d been given a real shot at that.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
what is a friend?
Noel’s text. Ok, so how do I feel about that? I feel real guilty and sorry for hurting him. But I think we were all hurt by his words as well. I’m just disappointed in him being so lax in group stuff right now though. I’m disappointed because I’ve always looked up to the person, you know? He’s one of the people who brought me closer to God. And to see him acting like he doesn’t care about us, his friends, well, that really hurts. And I am sorry if I have acted the same way towards him. Truly sorry.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Oh my. I just realized that I haven’t written in such a long time. I’m here at the CN auditorium right now. I had to leave the Christmas party at Mary’s House at 10pm, which was just too bad because it was a real blast: the presentations, stand-up acts, intermissions, awards…we even won the award for cleanest room! Hayaaaa! Earlier, I went to MOA with alex, roj, mic, and pau to ice-skate! It was my first time ever. Fell flat on my butt twice. By the end of the hour I managed to stand and even glide (however awkwardly) on my own. I’m gonna skate again. Next time, I’m gonna do even better. Haha. at least, I hope I do.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Junior High
I’ve been reading Sweet Valley Jr. High. Funny thing: even if I’m in 3rd year college, thre are a lot of “me” issues here. Haha. for example, Damon & Jessica. Not that I was obsessed in being a great GF (not that I’ve actually even been a GF, good or crummy, to anyone ever) but I did often wonder what the other person thought. Blah, blah….it’s just funny.
Ok, maybe not so much. I don’t know what he was thinking but, in some ways, Damon is so much better. Change is good. Sometimes you have to stick up for things but when you realize that something must be done (and this may entail changing something in yourself) in order for life (in general or yours or someone else’s) to become better.
I really did care about him. I did want to talk to him and, more importantly, him to talk to me. Because he did matter to me. We were friends first, after all. I had a genuine interest in being his true friend and, later on, perhaps a GG. Oh well. I guess it’s better for me because I do want someone who appreciates me and is also genuinely interested in being a true friend and confidant to me. I mean, honestly, those are the real “kilig” moments: when you realize you have true love for each other, and I stress “each other” (true love, too). Love shouldn’t and will never be a one way thing. And it’s not about kisses and hugs and dates or whatever. It’s about just living and being at peace with yourself and finding someone that increases that when you thought it couldn’t get better. It’s not about being saved or completed but about sharing life with comeone and vise versa.
Hmm…I guess I don’t love him that way anymore. Maybe I’m just projecting or something. The truth is, I know I’ve got work to do regarding all the aspects of my life so…I guess I better get a move on. I think I need to complete myself. Well, I know I do. I also know that as soon as I do, God will reveal the next step for me.
Ok, maybe not so much. I don’t know what he was thinking but, in some ways, Damon is so much better. Change is good. Sometimes you have to stick up for things but when you realize that something must be done (and this may entail changing something in yourself) in order for life (in general or yours or someone else’s) to become better.
I really did care about him. I did want to talk to him and, more importantly, him to talk to me. Because he did matter to me. We were friends first, after all. I had a genuine interest in being his true friend and, later on, perhaps a GG. Oh well. I guess it’s better for me because I do want someone who appreciates me and is also genuinely interested in being a true friend and confidant to me. I mean, honestly, those are the real “kilig” moments: when you realize you have true love for each other, and I stress “each other” (true love, too). Love shouldn’t and will never be a one way thing. And it’s not about kisses and hugs and dates or whatever. It’s about just living and being at peace with yourself and finding someone that increases that when you thought it couldn’t get better. It’s not about being saved or completed but about sharing life with comeone and vise versa.
Hmm…I guess I don’t love him that way anymore. Maybe I’m just projecting or something. The truth is, I know I’ve got work to do regarding all the aspects of my life so…I guess I better get a move on. I think I need to complete myself. Well, I know I do. I also know that as soon as I do, God will reveal the next step for me.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
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