Birthay blubbering

ok. i have to write this down before i fall asleep. though i sort of forgot what it was i was supposed to write about. what did i do, anyway? well, i went out with some STC friends and treated them to dinner since i just turned 18 a few days ago. honestly, i don't feel different. i don't look any different...or if i do, then the change was probably for the worse. i hate that nothing's happening to me, to my life. the things that've changed in me since high school are: i look older and more stressed out, i am less responsible but, ironically, more grade-conscious, and i am more oxymoronic than ever.

anyhoo, after dinner, chia and i went to Powerbooks Greenbelt. we sat in an aisle amidst minuscule shelves of kiddie lit and read Shel Silverstein books. i absolutely love them...if only i could afford though. oh well. The Missing Piece Meets The Big O is such a moving story. i personally think this literary work is about finding yourself, completing and loving yourself before someone else could. and there it goes! that hard-to-avoid topic frequently discussed by anything with a label FEMALE: the boyfriend issue and why i don't have one. i've thought of some reasons. don't pity me [or yourself] though. these are honest reasons. i'd like to clarify that i have no feelings of resentment or envy towards anyone with a boyfriend. two of my true friends have BFs [chia and ate cla]. here's the list.

1. i am not yet complete and haven't even found my own peace of mind.
2. i am not a "type"
3. i haven't met anyone whom i want to be in that kind of relationship with [sounds very grown-up, doesn't it?]
4. i am "couple's friend" material
5. Johnny Depp is still with Vanessa Paradis. haha

so there. i know there are more but, like i'd really tell the whole world those petty others. haha. kidding.

back to being "of age". i've asked a lot of people how they felt after turning 18 and, i'm not alone. we all haven't felt a significant change in our lives, unless you count getting a car or a wad of cash. for those who haven't turned 18 yet, or those who have but don't feel like adults yet, here's an insight which you can choose to take lightly or however you want to: it's the individual who makes the difference, not the number. want proof? look at Dakota Fanning in I Am Sam. but seriously. it doesn't matter if you're 17 or 53. what matters is that you take concrete steps to becoming whatever it is you want to be or achieving whatever it is you want to do. most people just place that transformation on 18 year olds because that's also the age when you can finally watch those racey movies or go clubbing. but i think that may be too early for a vast majority. perhaps that starts at the age of 18, for some. but most of us are too chicken to do that at an age when you're just starting to have "fun". because, supposedly, the thought of becoming an adult turns you into one. Self-fulfilling Prophecy. to end this, i will foretell my future. i have listed my goals in my journal and i declare that though i may not be as adult-ish as i want to be now, i will be a true adult...one day. for now, it's time to sleep.