i haven't written in a long time. i got my priorities mixed up. rather, i just forgot them altogether. in place of writing/praying/reflecting, i have daydreamed. yes, i spent precious time daydreaming. at some point, it was productive--giving me ideas regarding my future service. however, there did come a time when i was supposedly too engrossed in it that i lost the heart of service and got carried away fantasizing about the perceived worldly benefits of such. i realized that God was no longer at the center of it and what was meant to be beautiful had turned into a massive and quite uncontrollable monster. i couldn't stop. i had attached my hopes and wishes into figments of imagination. thankfully, God helped withdraw my mind from what could've been the worst and, quite frankly, the most authentic "relapse" of mine. He made me feel how He has forgiven me even before i approached Him for forgiveness. truly, our Lord is most merciful. He keeps saving us from evil, even if we seem not to want it. like a true parent, He deals with us in the most loving and appropriate manner possible. i really hope this lasts. i know i need to put more effort in both fighting sin and living true goodness. i need to pray more and do my best to develop Christ's character.
Lord please help me. please enable me to defeat my demons so i may have no impediments in my quest to accomplish whatever You will of me.
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