yesterday, i was blissful, hopeful. today, i'm ruined--my heart is broken before anything even started. ok, it's an overreaction but you know that feeling when you finally decide on buying this super awesome but expensive piece of whatever only to find out it isn't available anymore? well, it's sort of like that.
see, i developed a crush last tuesday--a real crush on a real person who actually knows i exist. ahem, johnny depp. it's the first time this has happened in a looooooong time. but i just found out now that he's taken. i guess i suspected it but hoped for the best nonetheless. but i shouldn't have. a guy like that, surely a girl would've recognized him for what he's worth.
i don't know what to do, Lord. this happens just when i'm coming to the realization that i need to be more open, take risks, not be so frightened about getting my heart broken and having to share who i really am with someone. i guess i can only hope and pray, and just try to be who you want me to be, regardless of my relationship status. but i do pray, with all the fervor i can muster, that if and when you do bring that person into my life, i would love him as much as a woman could ever love a man.
Showing posts with label events. Show all posts
Showing posts with label events. Show all posts
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Monday, December 07, 2009
Hello, goodbye.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
the last day of the Philippine Nursing Competitiveness Conference
i learned a lot from the entire PNCC--from organizing the conference to relating with other people. and, more significantly, i realized that the Nursing profession, in my case, is like a scholar or an outstanding charity. there is no doubt that it is important and that it is worth helping. the question this really poses to me is this: how can i help something or someone i care for but am not an expert in? it's much like loving your country--this doesn't ensure that you can be a good President of the Republic of the Philippines, does it?
i am passionate for many things and, among such, the status of health care in the country (and across the globe). i want to do my part to ensure that everyone receives good care, whatever their stature. but i am not much interested in learning the ropes of providing primary health care; i am much more concerned in getting the professionals with healing hands to do that in a manner that will be equitable to all parties.
trying to further the standards and status of health, and nursing in particular, is truly a good and necessary cause--i am just uncertain if this is a cause that i should be working for. it seems that i am not required here, after all. furthermore, i cannot give that which i do not possess--and i definitely do not possess the skills in providing health care.
on a different note, i must say that i applaud the likes of Ma'am Meng, Ma'am Betty, Sir Marco, Sir Ken, and Ma'am Vanne, among others. here is a bunch of accomplished professionals who have kept their integrity intact and who have a sincere concern for the profession and those practicing it. it is moving to be in the midst of people who are extremely passionate for what they do, people who aren't just looking out for themselves but for others as well. i look at them and am pleased for Philippine Nursing, for there is much hope still. at the same time, i look at them and see that i do not belong here. i can never have that kind of love for this profession, and i feel it would be an injustice to all parties if i were to stay. good intentions can only go so far for, though i wish that i love Nursing the way they do, i am honest in saying that i do not. i love it in a sense that truly, from the deepest recesses of my heart, i want it to do splendidly. i love it in the sense that i am even willing to give of myself to help its cause, had i the brains or hands to do so. but i am not the best nor the right person to do such a thing.
i was made for something else, something equally worth fighting, living, and dying for.
the last day of the Philippine Nursing Competitiveness Conference
i learned a lot from the entire PNCC--from organizing the conference to relating with other people. and, more significantly, i realized that the Nursing profession, in my case, is like a scholar or an outstanding charity. there is no doubt that it is important and that it is worth helping. the question this really poses to me is this: how can i help something or someone i care for but am not an expert in? it's much like loving your country--this doesn't ensure that you can be a good President of the Republic of the Philippines, does it?
i am passionate for many things and, among such, the status of health care in the country (and across the globe). i want to do my part to ensure that everyone receives good care, whatever their stature. but i am not much interested in learning the ropes of providing primary health care; i am much more concerned in getting the professionals with healing hands to do that in a manner that will be equitable to all parties.
trying to further the standards and status of health, and nursing in particular, is truly a good and necessary cause--i am just uncertain if this is a cause that i should be working for. it seems that i am not required here, after all. furthermore, i cannot give that which i do not possess--and i definitely do not possess the skills in providing health care.
on a different note, i must say that i applaud the likes of Ma'am Meng, Ma'am Betty, Sir Marco, Sir Ken, and Ma'am Vanne, among others. here is a bunch of accomplished professionals who have kept their integrity intact and who have a sincere concern for the profession and those practicing it. it is moving to be in the midst of people who are extremely passionate for what they do, people who aren't just looking out for themselves but for others as well. i look at them and am pleased for Philippine Nursing, for there is much hope still. at the same time, i look at them and see that i do not belong here. i can never have that kind of love for this profession, and i feel it would be an injustice to all parties if i were to stay. good intentions can only go so far for, though i wish that i love Nursing the way they do, i am honest in saying that i do not. i love it in a sense that truly, from the deepest recesses of my heart, i want it to do splendidly. i love it in the sense that i am even willing to give of myself to help its cause, had i the brains or hands to do so. but i am not the best nor the right person to do such a thing.
i was made for something else, something equally worth fighting, living, and dying for.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
FRESH! victory
came home from fresh less than an hour ago. where do i even begin?!? God's miracles leading up to this victory have been so numerous and awesome! the bonding, praisefests, loving, and the many opportunities to serve Him--woot! one of the greatest experiences of my life so far, definitely.
and although some things, as of this moment, are cloaked still, i know that all will be perfect and awesome in God's time.
some excerpts:
Blair: "Evangelize one, save a thousand."
Jaffy: "When you are weak, then you are strong."
"Who do you think I am? [You are Lord] Then act like it."
"Hindi ung gitara o ung drums ang instrumento. Ang instrumento, tayo."
i know it will be difficult but i feel i am really being called to this mission which i am loving more with each passing moment. [let's pray for this, Kat.]
also, let's try to explain to our parents this commitment and try to really be the change God wants for us.
**this is from the inspiration booth. yay!! just a reminder to love.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
brighter!
Lord, thank you for making the prayer meeting a success. there were a few glitches, but all the essentials were there and that is more than enough. Father, i really realized a lot from worship: that you brought me here to help cure the pains and hurts of the people. that you don't want me to be perfect but are asking me to try and do my best. i'm so lucky because you are in my life, you are the meaning and purpose of my existence.
a quote from a good friend:
"Life is really not perfect. but it can be more than perfect depending on how you look at it."
true.
a quote from a good friend:
"Life is really not perfect. but it can be more than perfect depending on how you look at it."
true.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
surf's up!
PJ Valenciano: pssst
PJ Valenciano: kat??
PJ Valenciano: hahahaha
me: yep?
PJ Valenciano: sama ka surfing
me: kelan ba?! may pasok pa ko eh..cge!
PJ Valenciano: hahahaha
PJ Valenciano: parang tuloy na sila sa october
PJ Valenciano: eh
PJ Valenciano: madami dami na tayo
PJ Valenciano: woohoooooooooooooo
me: october 12 ata last day ko
PJ Valenciano: excited ka?
me: sa surfing o sa end ng pasukan? haha
PJ Valenciano: sa surfing at sa end ng pasukan
PJ Valenciano: hahahahahaha
me: yep!
PJ Valenciano: kat??
PJ Valenciano: hahahaha
me: yep?
PJ Valenciano: sama ka surfing
me: kelan ba?! may pasok pa ko eh..cge!
PJ Valenciano: hahahaha
PJ Valenciano: parang tuloy na sila sa october
PJ Valenciano: eh
PJ Valenciano: madami dami na tayo
PJ Valenciano: woohoooooooooooooo
me: october 12 ata last day ko
PJ Valenciano: excited ka?
me: sa surfing o sa end ng pasukan? haha
PJ Valenciano: sa surfing at sa end ng pasukan
PJ Valenciano: hahahahahaha
me: yep!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
grad pic!!
okay. shooting for grad pic is probably a month away. help me decide! you can vote for two themes, okiesh? which fits me?! (okaay. my narcissistic side is starting to show, i'm afraid)
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
BATAD = UNO - (meedge+kat)
i wish i were with them....
freedom of choice--it's a funny thing, isn't it? there's destiny and fate, yet there is also freedom of choice. can one exist with the other? for some weird reason, i have always strongly believed in both.
ever since i began to realize that every decision made and action done has its corresponding consequences, i've tried to make the most out of everything, i tried to think things through and even plan the minute details of my life. of course, i'd be lying if i said i stuck to the plan a 100% since i have given myself some, say, creative freedom. after all, it is my choice still. my life...
i firmly believe that we always have the right and power to choose. even when you are being tortured for an answer, you have a choice: to resist or to give in. i believe that when people mess up, it is their fault. when they allow the harsh realities of life to keep biting them, it was their choice. it is actually for this same reason that i do not like people who complain and curse about every misfortune that is thrown their way. after all, if you are unsatisfied with the way things are, you ought to do something! are you going to let it defeat you while doing nothing? 'tis better to lose in battle than surrender but still lose. 'tis better to preserve a sens of dignity and integrity than wallow in self-pity.
last week, i hade made a terrible decision to not decide. for the first time since i developed my "woman of the world" attitude, i depepnded wholly on someone else to make a decision for me. for some reason that is yet to be unearthed, i could not fully decide for myself if i wanted, truly wanted, to join BATAD. i wasn't sure if i wanted to leave my family at such a precocious time, and for three days too! i was not sure if it would be safe. i was afraid my parents would think it ridiculous for me to even consider going to an isolated beach without a real adult. i wondered if going to BATAD meant less chances of being allowed to attend YFC events. so, i asked them for permission without even having made my choice. and they decided not to let me go. it was only a few hours after that moment of initial relief from having escaped making a crucial decision by myself did i realizee that i did want to go. i want to swim and relax and have a real vacation. i want to be undisturbed, to take a break from the stress the city brings. most of all, i wanted to get to know UNO better and live like a family with them...because they are family. they've only always supported me, put up with me, and loved me. even if we had our rifts and differences, we've remained true to each other.
it's funny how things are, isn't it? we've despicably mastered the art of taking things for granted: our family and friends, school, privileged lifestyle, complete body parts, oxygen and water, nature, sunlight, the cool breeze on a humid day...everything has become nothing in this new age we live in. but once in a while, reality hits us on the head and we learn to appreciate even the simplest joys life has generously provided us...before resuming our old i-could-care-less way of living. so, in hopes of never returning to that state of thinking, i'd like to give a big shout out to God: thanks for everything! seriously. and to you (yes you), thanks for being a part of my life. i know i don't always act like it but i do appreciate and love you. today, i choose. i choose to be true. i choose to do what is right. i choose to love. i choose to believe. i choose to see the significance of everything in this world and beyond. i choose to appreciate what has been given to me and even what has been denied me. i choose to do what the Lord has tasked me to do. i choose to live for Him. heck, i choose to live.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
no to dinner, thank you
We’re at
I hate fakes. And I hate being fake. I hate wasting, and this is a perfect example of that. I am not in the mood to eat this kind of food. I am not in the mood to spend for food that can be prepared at home for a fraction of the cost. I’d rather spend it on important things like saving up for a plane ticket outta here, or a laptop or camera, tickets to a great film…I wish I can just chuck out all this pretentiousness. I’d rather give that money to the poor and spend a comfortable dinner at home. Yeah, that’s exactly it. When I have a family and we go out, it’ll be special. Something everyone’s in the mood for, something we all agree on. We won’t do it often so it’ll be appreciated, and the value of such opportunities will be rightly appraised. And whenever that day comes, I’ll give them a choice: to use it for ourselves or for the poor…of course, greater rewards if they choose the former, but not immediate though. Just like life. Great riches are stored in heaven for those who think of others before themselves.
In the meantime…Lord, please give me the patience to deal with them, give me the grace to show them what must be done. For if not I, then who will do it?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
goodnight, goodbye, goodluck!
Earlier this evening, ate Con and I bought her a parting present, a dress I knew she’d love. And in the flurry of cash, hangers, and wonderfully made local products, I had once again forgotten the situation. I haven’t seriously contemplated the whole thing. I also haven’t written since Friday so it’s only beginning to really sink in now. I was the first one with whom she talked about BVI, the first to know she was accepted. I was quite aware of all the processes she went through so she’d be ready to go. I watched her take the suitcases from the top shelf. I found myself hypnotized by the whole packing rituals as well. In fact, I even helped her to decide which to bring or leave behind, as well as bring the suitcases down the flight of stairs. Yet I never thought this day and time would actually come. I had to put off the whole reality and now, the time’s caught up with me; there is no escape.
Imagine my surprise when we found out there was a despedida party 2 hours after it started, when most of the guests had already gone. I feel awful that ate con and I missed ate tin’s last dinner in the country for a bunch of clothes. They were great clothes, but still just clothes nonetheless. However, I am delighted that ate tin really liked the dress.
On my way out of the room, I said goodnight, yet none of them seemed to have heard me, being preoccupied with their own businesses, and thus, no one greeted me back. After 7 seconds of having left the room, I went back, pretending to look for something. Then I remembered that ate tin’s new dress was in need of a brooch, so I volunteered to give her the one I made a long time ago: my only brooch, my favorite brooch; the brooch that could be all classy or edgy, like myself (I presume). I hope that she finds much satisfaction in having it and remembers me by it.
I’m afraid I’m not ready to say goodbye. I never told her how much I love and appreciate her, how much I’ll miss her (especially the tummy-pampering). I never told her about God and life and living for a purpose. I regret not having told her all these things as often as I could. Yet, I rejoice in the knowledge that God has given me the means to do what must still be done, what can still be done. Though I do not have as much time as I would’ve wanted, there is just enough for God’s will. MUST WRITE A LETTER BEFORE SHE LEAVES.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
*officially in jack sparrow heaven*
just came home after watching Pirates of the Caribbean. it strengthens my resolve even more. i no longer feel silly for wanting to act. God wants me to and that makes me so ecstatic! i read in the newspaper a while ago about Reggie Lee, Chow Yun Fat's sidekick in the movie. apparently, he's a filipino making it in Hollywood! he started out with musicals in LA at the age of 18. now he's in movies and TV series. isn't that great?
i love acting. i love movies and would absolutely want to contribute to that whole experience. i want to communicate to the audiences, be a part of something wonderful, something that makes people and dreams come to life! i wanna make them feel happy or heartbroken or angry or depressed or adventurous or desperate or crazy or in love. i think a great movie has its part in helping people from all over the world understand each other: the cultures, the family, the situation, problems and joys, trials and failures, dreams and wishes and fears. i want to help inspire people in becoming whatever it is they want to be, in the same way the screen has inspired me...
i can't remember how long i've wanted to act. all i know is, whenever i watch a movie, i read a book, or even listen to music, i've always pictured in my head how the scene would take place. Lord, i understand now. please help me so i may accomplish what You ask of me.
*is it a coincidence that the first and last ride i got on in disneyland was Pirates? maybe it's destiny. hahaha.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
what is a "person"?
had lunch with jewel today. then watched Spiderman 3 with him, jaq, rex, roni, and tin. one word: BLAST!
this is the latter part of out ym conversation
yerlewej: SIGNAL FIRE, SNOW PATROL
me: oooh
yerlewej: i'm ok now, though..
me: that's good.
yerlewej: ansaya nun! di dapat ma-ruin
yerlewej:
me: i can understand how you felt and it's a normal reaction..
me: yeah! exactly
yerlewej: which proves i'm still tao
yerlewej: haha!
me: next time, you're sitting next to me so we can laugh at the noisy girls giggling behind us...
me: haha
yerlewej: hahah! ganun ba?
me: and pretend to be part of the movie
me: or predict what's gonna happen next
yerlewej: wooh..^_^
yerlewej: which brings back my movie-w/-rex-and-jac memories
yerlewej: sa g4
me: haha. stomp the yard
yerlewej: yep
me: wish i saw it..i love dance movies
yerlewej: parang wala akng kasama nun. hahah!
yerlewej: talaga?
me: frustrated wanna-be dancer
yerlewej: pag na-download ko, i'll lend it to you
me: haha
yerlewej: me too!
me: bakit naman?
me: yay!
yerlewej: feeling ko kaya ko yung mga steps dun
me: oooooooh. that's my apo!
yerlewej: ah, kasi sila yung nag-uusap
yerlewej: di ako kasali
yerlewej:
me: ah. hahaha. that's why three's a crowd
yerlewej: yeah, pero during the movie lang yun
me: neverrrrr group into three's
yerlewej: nung nasa labas na kami, ok na ulit
me: hahaha
me: that's good
yerlewej: that was actually my bday gift to rex
yerlewej: na hindi naman halatang bday gift
yerlewej: hahahah!
me: hahaha.
me: that's a great gift. T-I-M-E
me: love it!
yerlewej:
me: omg. i just saw ma'm acop's friendster. i'll add her!
yerlewej: ngye! antagal na kaya nya sa profile ni jac
yerlewej: tska sa no exit ata
me: haha
yerlewej: ooh, you put the "person" thing sa comment..
me: yah
me: haha
yerlewej: actually, hndi ko nilagay sa comment ko sau yun
yerlewej: kasi i thought it was a one-to-one thing
yerlewej: sabi ko, bka magselos si jac
yerlewej: hahah! kasi she kept calling you her person kanina
me: haha. no. it's a philosophical topic we talked about during household overnight nung friday. you can have more than one person, apparently.
me: ideal though na magkaroon ng exclusive person. you know. top "person" niyo ang isa't isa
yerlewej: ooh. alright then. hahah! you'll be my constant person.
yerlewej: yeah.. actually
me: yay! i'm honored.
yerlewej: opcors..
yerlewej: joke.^_^
yerlewej: this is my promise to you
yerlewej: i mean, yung person thing
yerlewej: rather, my promise to myself
yerlewej:
me: i'll hold you to that.
me: lalagay ko 'to sa blog
yerlewej:
me: mwaha. i'll remove the first part
yerlewej: hahah! send me one, too.
yerlewej: kasi i accidentally closed the wondow
yerlewej: nawala yung previous messages
me: ok!
yerlewej: uhm, til what time mo balak mag-online?
yerlewej: meron kasi akong isesend na audio file
yerlewej: sooper cute sya
me: i'll be leaving soon. ate is pestering me. might come back though but i still have to verify..haha
me: ooooh!
yerlewej: actually, my ate is also pestering me
yerlewej: kanina pa
yerlewej: i try to remain firm. hahaah!
me: haha
me: i'm weak!!!
yerlewej: heheh.. actually, i'm weak din. kaso she already had d pc kaninang umaga/hapon
me: haha
me: yay! i have persons!!! woohoo!
me: *sanguine*
this is the latter part of out ym conversation
yerlewej: SIGNAL FIRE, SNOW PATROL
me: oooh
yerlewej: i'm ok now, though..
me: that's good.
yerlewej: ansaya nun! di dapat ma-ruin
yerlewej:
me: i can understand how you felt and it's a normal reaction..
me: yeah! exactly
yerlewej: which proves i'm still tao
yerlewej: haha!
me: next time, you're sitting next to me so we can laugh at the noisy girls giggling behind us...
me: haha
yerlewej: hahah! ganun ba?
me: and pretend to be part of the movie
me: or predict what's gonna happen next
yerlewej: wooh..^_^
yerlewej: which brings back my movie-w/-rex-and-jac memories
yerlewej: sa g4
me: haha. stomp the yard
yerlewej: yep
me: wish i saw it..i love dance movies
yerlewej: parang wala akng kasama nun. hahah!
yerlewej: talaga?
me: frustrated wanna-be dancer
yerlewej: pag na-download ko, i'll lend it to you
me: haha
yerlewej: me too!
me: bakit naman?
me: yay!
yerlewej: feeling ko kaya ko yung mga steps dun
me: oooooooh. that's my apo!
yerlewej: ah, kasi sila yung nag-uusap
yerlewej: di ako kasali
yerlewej:
me: ah. hahaha. that's why three's a crowd
yerlewej: yeah, pero during the movie lang yun
me: neverrrrr group into three's
yerlewej: nung nasa labas na kami, ok na ulit
me: hahaha
me: that's good
yerlewej: that was actually my bday gift to rex
yerlewej: na hindi naman halatang bday gift
yerlewej: hahahah!
me: hahaha.
me: that's a great gift. T-I-M-E
me: love it!
yerlewej:
me: omg. i just saw ma'm acop's friendster. i'll add her!
yerlewej: ngye! antagal na kaya nya sa profile ni jac
yerlewej: tska sa no exit ata
me: haha
yerlewej: ooh, you put the "person" thing sa comment..
me: yah
me: haha
yerlewej: actually, hndi ko nilagay sa comment ko sau yun
yerlewej: kasi i thought it was a one-to-one thing
yerlewej: sabi ko, bka magselos si jac
yerlewej: hahah! kasi she kept calling you her person kanina
me: haha. no. it's a philosophical topic we talked about during household overnight nung friday. you can have more than one person, apparently.
me: ideal though na magkaroon ng exclusive person. you know. top "person" niyo ang isa't isa
yerlewej: ooh. alright then. hahah! you'll be my constant person.
yerlewej: yeah.. actually
me: yay! i'm honored.
yerlewej: opcors..
yerlewej: joke.^_^
yerlewej: this is my promise to you
yerlewej: i mean, yung person thing
yerlewej: rather, my promise to myself
yerlewej:
me: i'll hold you to that.
me: lalagay ko 'to sa blog
yerlewej:
me: mwaha. i'll remove the first part
yerlewej: hahah! send me one, too.
yerlewej: kasi i accidentally closed the wondow
yerlewej: nawala yung previous messages
me: ok!
yerlewej: uhm, til what time mo balak mag-online?
yerlewej: meron kasi akong isesend na audio file
yerlewej: sooper cute sya
me: i'll be leaving soon. ate is pestering me. might come back though but i still have to verify..haha
me: ooooh!
yerlewej: actually, my ate is also pestering me
yerlewej: kanina pa
yerlewej: i try to remain firm. hahaah!
me: haha
me: i'm weak!!!
yerlewej: heheh.. actually, i'm weak din. kaso she already had d pc kaninang umaga/hapon
me: haha
me: yay! i have persons!!! woohoo!
me: *sanguine*
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
"the end" precedes a new beginning
i'm almost through with my 2nd journal. i'm quite excited because it signifies a new beginning for me. when i first started writing over a year ago, my entries were mostly about me; about love and happiness and sorrow and hardships. now, i have come to realize that it is about God...my everything is about Him.
i know that i'm not perfect. in fact, i'm far from it. i am nothing. but through Him, i am becoming something. it has been quite a journey so far and i expect that God, awesome as He is, only makes it better as time progresses. i am giddy and excited at the thought of a new life; a life devoted to serving Him by serving everyone! i am excited at the thought of knowing and loving the Lord even more everyday and at the possibility of our relationship growing stronger. i am excited to live this life for Him.
so, what changes will occur in my new journal? it will start happy, for one. it will be about God and how He works in every moment of my life and yours. it will be about my struggle towards becoming a better person. most parts of my current journal (which is actually entitled Booster as well), towards the end, have been about that. the new one will no longer be named that. i'll have to think of something fitting.
i have much to do on this journey. read the Bible and other books. reflect and pray. worship. improve my relationship with others. listen and learn from others. think of God's greatness in every second of life. do well in all 5 areas, help others, improve my character, and so much more! it is a seemingly insurmountable task when i think about it, but i know that God is with me and supports me all the way. i can do all things through Him.
it has been a crazy 19 or so years. the past 5 months have been such a high and the past 1 year and 2 months have been quite a roller coaster ride. there have been highs, lows, twists, turns, pauses, peaks, screaming, puking, and just about everything else! and you know what, it has all been worth the while. life has never been this good. i have never experienced such a yearning for Him this way, a great thirst to serve Him. i admit that i'll probably be committing plenty of mistakes. however, i believe that the Lord is preparing me, that the Lord will make me able....
i'm a bit sleepy now. must make a list later....
the Lord is truly wonderful. He has given me, us, LIFE.
i know that i'm not perfect. in fact, i'm far from it. i am nothing. but through Him, i am becoming something. it has been quite a journey so far and i expect that God, awesome as He is, only makes it better as time progresses. i am giddy and excited at the thought of a new life; a life devoted to serving Him by serving everyone! i am excited at the thought of knowing and loving the Lord even more everyday and at the possibility of our relationship growing stronger. i am excited to live this life for Him.
so, what changes will occur in my new journal? it will start happy, for one. it will be about God and how He works in every moment of my life and yours. it will be about my struggle towards becoming a better person. most parts of my current journal (which is actually entitled Booster as well), towards the end, have been about that. the new one will no longer be named that. i'll have to think of something fitting.
i have much to do on this journey. read the Bible and other books. reflect and pray. worship. improve my relationship with others. listen and learn from others. think of God's greatness in every second of life. do well in all 5 areas, help others, improve my character, and so much more! it is a seemingly insurmountable task when i think about it, but i know that God is with me and supports me all the way. i can do all things through Him.
it has been a crazy 19 or so years. the past 5 months have been such a high and the past 1 year and 2 months have been quite a roller coaster ride. there have been highs, lows, twists, turns, pauses, peaks, screaming, puking, and just about everything else! and you know what, it has all been worth the while. life has never been this good. i have never experienced such a yearning for Him this way, a great thirst to serve Him. i admit that i'll probably be committing plenty of mistakes. however, i believe that the Lord is preparing me, that the Lord will make me able....
i'm a bit sleepy now. must make a list later....
the Lord is truly wonderful. He has given me, us, LIFE.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
rebirth
The last minutes of my birthday
Last night, I wept. I let uncontrollable circumstances, bad moods, and awful schedules get to me. Instead of spending a happy dinner at home with my family, I spent the night mostly alone; eating, watching Grey’s Anatomy, crying in the bathroom, and trying to de-puff my eyes with a cooling eye mask. Let me tell you something, none of it did me any good….
Well, maybe except for one thing. I realized that although I may be far from being God’s perfect angel/servant/child, I have also come a long way. I have also tried my best to be so. I fell asleep knowing that God loves me and has truly blessed me. I fell asleep not at all fantasizing about the day to come, nor dreading it. I fell asleep thankful for everything. I fell asleep praying for everyone I know (or trying to. Darn memory). I feel asleep with conviction in God’s plan for me, whatever that may be.
Today was a happy day. Although there may be parts in my life I am not completely satisfied with, I have been given many opportunities to realize how blessed and loved I am. How instrumental I can be. I have my family and friends. I have my faith. I have my God…and that is all I could ever need or want.
Last night, I wept. Tonight, I will fall asleep with a big fat smile on my face and pure joy in my heart. There is peace, and the tears of the past nineteen years have been purged from my soul. Indeed, much has changed. It is 12 midnight.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Simbang gabi!
my 1st time here in the city and, you know, with the the exception of Christmas day. Hahaha. Di, clara and mads are with me. Toodles!
style + ice + sojun + literature
I’m gonna do a fashion show! Well, just one piece, but still. Haha.
Went ice-skating again. Fell so many times and I even displayed anaphylactic reactions to the cold. By the time I went out the rink, my fingers were so swollen it looked like I had 10 thumbs! Haha.
Then, we had our Christmas party at Room 4. yep, just me, ate di, clara, and ria. We had so much fun eating, talking, exchanging gifts, drinking sojun—a Korean alcoholic beverage (well, this part was both dreadful and fun), dancing with a pseudo disco light c/o ate di’s flashlight, and hiding the bottle when Sister Elvira went into our room! Hahaha.
Anyway, I don’t know if it’s from reading Elizabeth or maybe because I don’t see him (literally), but I’m okay. Maybe I was just being curious but I think I can survive without knowing what really happened. And maybe I have come to accept that though I love him, we really aren’t meant for each other. And I don’t even mean that in a bitter way at all. I guess we just weren’t the right mix, although we are great persons, individually. And yes, I am still hoping and waiting for my soulmate; the one God has made for me; the one that will improve me further when and only when I cannot do so on my own any longer.
Although I do wish we could be friends, I know that I am ready for that new chapter in my life no. I no longer want to keep flipping back and forth. Now that I think I have sufficient understanding of what happened, I am finally ready for what is about to take place.
Went ice-skating again. Fell so many times and I even displayed anaphylactic reactions to the cold. By the time I went out the rink, my fingers were so swollen it looked like I had 10 thumbs! Haha.
Then, we had our Christmas party at Room 4. yep, just me, ate di, clara, and ria. We had so much fun eating, talking, exchanging gifts, drinking sojun—a Korean alcoholic beverage (well, this part was both dreadful and fun), dancing with a pseudo disco light c/o ate di’s flashlight, and hiding the bottle when Sister Elvira went into our room! Hahaha.
Anyway, I don’t know if it’s from reading Elizabeth or maybe because I don’t see him (literally), but I’m okay. Maybe I was just being curious but I think I can survive without knowing what really happened. And maybe I have come to accept that though I love him, we really aren’t meant for each other. And I don’t even mean that in a bitter way at all. I guess we just weren’t the right mix, although we are great persons, individually. And yes, I am still hoping and waiting for my soulmate; the one God has made for me; the one that will improve me further when and only when I cannot do so on my own any longer.
Although I do wish we could be friends, I know that I am ready for that new chapter in my life no. I no longer want to keep flipping back and forth. Now that I think I have sufficient understanding of what happened, I am finally ready for what is about to take place.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Oh my. I just realized that I haven’t written in such a long time. I’m here at the CN auditorium right now. I had to leave the Christmas party at Mary’s House at 10pm, which was just too bad because it was a real blast: the presentations, stand-up acts, intermissions, awards…we even won the award for cleanest room! Hayaaaa! Earlier, I went to MOA with alex, roj, mic, and pau to ice-skate! It was my first time ever. Fell flat on my butt twice. By the end of the hour I managed to stand and even glide (however awkwardly) on my own. I’m gonna skate again. Next time, I’m gonna do even better. Haha. at least, I hope I do.
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