high, high, high!!

Well, it has certainly been an eventful weekend, to say the least. The submission of N107 CHN drafts, the puppy named Jack, the ulcer-ish, mefenamic acid-induced “high” during prayer meetings (how silly), trip to UP Diliman for research and lunch @ Rodic’s, my mom’s med school reunion. And then, instead of going to the concert, Chia and I just stayed at home since I was quite to sick for mosh pits. We spent the hours talking and making my visuals for implementation next week. It’s the 1^st time she ever stayed there for over an hour and I think it’s only the 2^nd time she’s been to my house! Haha! To think, we’ve been friends for almost 9 years. And then there was the fever. Then communion that was finally meaningful again. Oh, and this amusing crazy lady in church whose imaginary friend got squashed by this terrified couple. They moved to a different pew after 10 minutes.

But the really big news? *drumroll please* I finally told my mother that I loved her. She was lecturing and reprimanding again. I felt awful because I knew that she felt worthless, an inadequate housewife and mother. I felt awful because I knew that, somehow, I contributed to that. And I was and am truly sorry. I mean, how can you let someone as suicidal and overly dramatic as my mother know that she isn’t worthless and that she is, in fact, irreplaceable? You don’t. it makes you weak. Vulnerable. Well, I am weak and vulnerable and also overly dramatic (Maybe even more so. A bit neurotic too, actually, but that’s out of the picture). So I hugged her and blurted it out.

This is, to date, the most awkward thing I have ever done. And I bet it will remain to be so…perhaps more awkward than a 1^st kiss (yes, I haven’t had that either) or the 1^st time you make love with your husband (100% pure). It’s a bit ironic that we are unable to tell or show our loved ones how important they are to us. How much we, too, love them. It’s funny yet sad at the same time. It shouldn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yet it is.

We may not have the best relationship in the compound, let alone in the world, but she is my mother and she did raise me. Perhaps I am not her idea of a perfect child but I try to be a good person who’s true to herself and I believe that’s a daughter anyone would love and be proud of. I think she, with her strict and medieval ways, unintentionally raised me to be independent and ambitious, to be a person who tries to really live. She did that, and that makes her super!