rebirth

The last minutes of my birthday

Last night, I wept. I let uncontrollable circumstances, bad moods, and awful schedules get to me. Instead of spending a happy dinner at home with my family, I spent the night mostly alone; eating, watching Grey’s Anatomy, crying in the bathroom, and trying to de-puff my eyes with a cooling eye mask. Let me tell you something, none of it did me any good….

Well, maybe except for one thing. I realized that although I may be far from being God’s perfect angel/servant/child, I have also come a long way. I have also tried my best to be so. I fell asleep knowing that God loves me and has truly blessed me. I fell asleep not at all fantasizing about the day to come, nor dreading it. I fell asleep thankful for everything. I fell asleep praying for everyone I know (or trying to. Darn memory). I feel asleep with conviction in God’s plan for me, whatever that may be.

Today was a happy day. Although there may be parts in my life I am not completely satisfied with, I have been given many opportunities to realize how blessed and loved I am. How instrumental I can be. I have my family and friends. I have my faith. I have my God…and that is all I could ever need or want.

Last night, I wept. Tonight, I will fall asleep with a big fat smile on my face and pure joy in my heart. There is peace, and the tears of the past nineteen years have been purged from my soul. Indeed, much has changed. It is 12 midnight.