the giving tree

pardon my selfishness and immaturity, Father. right now i'm frustrated at both myself and my parents. i might just be jealous because i don't get the luxuries i want and am really frustrated because they give him everything when he doesn't even work his ass off for it. he just has to whine a little bit, let out a few tears...and i, no matter how much i try, will never be able to completely please them! they will never appreciate what i do or accomplish. it's just frustrating! and the fact that they deny treating him with a lot more favor infuriates me and makes me want to bang my head on the wall a couple million times. i hate that they make excuses for their behavior. they are parents, adults! they should know better. no consistency and logic in child-rearing at all (i know, it's a miracle i'm this fabulous). i just had to get away because i might burst and no matter how rational my defense would be, they'd just find a way to turn it around and make me look like the lone psycho. and you know what? i am! i'm definitely over-acting here. but the thing is, it's been going on for so long, i just can't contain it any more. i know i'm being selfish. it it were Jesus, He'd understand and accept it, do more precious things with his time than mope in the Trinoma foodcourt. i do understand. however, i just can't stop how i'm feeling at the moment. at least i made some effort to be decent and avoid conflict by getting away, right? i just want to cry. because i hate knowing that i am less loved, less appreciated by my own parents. but even though this is so, i thank You, Lord, for reminding me that You are with me, that You love me unconditionally and equally among my brothers and sisters. i find peace knowing that. and yes, i do long for even just one person, someone who will love me in the way that i know i deserve to be loved. but for now, Your love is more than sufficient.