i'm sorry if i burst out on you, ma. but right now, i am hurting because of you guys. i think i may never look at you the same way again. i think a part of me has forever given you up, my family; has stopped hoping for your love, believing i will never receive it. i feel your love for me right now is more of a fulfillment of duty. there is no affection, no understanding, no acceptance.
oh, i pray to God that it won't be a vicious cycle. man, i've got a lot of guesswork and trial&error phases when i have my own family. please, let me be a loving person. please give me the strength and grace to love unconditionally. right now, i can't even look at my mother nor speak two words to her. literally. it's difficult because the selfish part of me is no longer willing to love them as much, knowing that i most probably love them more than they love me. and usually, that shouldn't be the case, right? it should be equal. or isn't there a saying that nobody can beat a mother's love? well..i just found a family to disprove that theory. Father, please heal me. allow the hurt to go away. i know that eventually i will have to love them without expecting or demanding anything in return. it's how You were to us, after all.
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