nearness

"Where can I run from Your love?"

The song is my inspiration for today.  I hit quite a high the last two weeks that I was bound to return to my bipolar roots one of these days.  Of course, I’m still trying to keep in mind the lessons and realizations and emotions that made me feel so great in the first place, but I cannot really control what happens around me—I can only try to control myself, and even that doesn’t work according to plan most of the time.  Today, for instance, I’m back on the ground and find that I still have to face the same issues that I have been contending with the past few months.  I have a dispassionate relationship with my work and my word is keeping me hostage here.  I have a love-hate relationship with my family.  I am burdened with insecurities and inadequacies.  I am a prisoner of this dark, deeply troubled world.  And though I am so blessed with people who sincerely care for me, I still cannot help feel lonely at one point or another.

Yet, in spite of all this, I have the grace and strength to stay positive.  It's because of You.  No matter what happens, I know You are right beside me.  If I have problems with my relationships, You're always there to hold me tight.  If I feel as if I can no longer stomach the tasks at hand, You cheer me on and find ways to make it worth my while.  When I feel so insufficient, You give me so much, that I may have more than what I need.  When I'm scared and lost, You light the way for me.  When I cannot stand being with myself, You remind me of who I truly am.  You're always here, always near.