it's official!!

i'm leaving on september 6 pm and will be back on the 14th of october. aack!! haha.

from tito larry

he messaged me on multiply a few days ago. it was nice because, even though we don't talk about these things, he knows what's going on and, more importantly, understands me too. thanks tito!!


The important thing is that you're happy with what you're doing. You are your own captain. If there are consequences, it is just part of life. as long as you know how to cope with it. we may stumble at times but dont let it get to you. if you decide on some things and you think it is right, you should defend it at all costs. Just be happy.

I know naman that you know all of these things but sometimes you need to hear it from someone as a reminder. :-)

humility is something i need more of...
Lord, remind me that if i am to brag, i can only brag about You.

eyes on You

wow! what a day i had. thank You, Father.

this morning, i was able to pray, read the Bible, and write in my journal.  then Jaq asked me about UNIV, which was a blessing because i was reminded of God's victory in that area of my life and how it can be used for further victories, along with all the other stuff.  then, when i went to CN, i got a chance to talk with Jean and Jeff.  i became more thankful for the "small" things that i'm currently occupied with.  i may not have a real job and my parents may be disappointed in the fact that i'm giving up the nursing path to greener pastures, but i know that i am making a difference, no matter how miniscule, wih my work as a YFC MV and even as an English tutor to Koreans who dream of studying in the US.  plus, when we didn't have household help, i helped out with the chores.  i think i've been good; i've been doing my best to make my God proud.

then i had a fun lecture.  well, more like helping out a friend with her homework and getting paid for it.  afterwards, i went to the core HH at tito nomer's office, just to give Gem the pic (ILC '08) i promised him.  i ended up chatting with familiar and new faces, and staying for worship too.  afterwards, when i was saying my goodbyes to everyone, Marian asked if i cold give a talk at their exert on Monday.  i was shocked and scared and i dunno how i reacted to her.  haha. i didn't even know what an exert is, for crying out loud.  i asked for details and he number before i left, not wanting to seem foolish and unknowledgeable.  i'm an MV after all.  aren't i supposed to guide them, help them, answer their questions? i'd lose credibility in front of the babies, and i couldn't let that happen.  i'm supposed to represent God and, in shaming myself, i feel i'd tarnish His name as well.

so, on the way home, i texted Rex and Kuya Evan about it.  thankfully, the latter replied.  apparently, it stood for execom retreat, of which i still had no idea and i've never experienced (either that or i have serious brain damage).  "how can i give a talk about something i don't know?", i asked both him and myself.  while doing so, i felt God whisper to me, reassuring that He will tell me what to say.  even if i had no idea or capability of facing those leaders and inspiring them, He does and He will give me the right words to utter; He will lead me to the right direction.  also, Kuya Evan told me that Marian probably prayed for this too and that i should remember that this isn't about me at all.  i guess i was worrying too much about embarassing myself and saying awful, unrelated things that i forgot that speakers are exactly just that: speakers.  they aren't the topic of the forum or the special guest in a talk show.  instead, they talk about something or someone and aim to inspire, not purely on the way they give their talk, but more through its content, through what or who is being represented.  and though i don't know yet what the content will be, i know that the talk will represent Him.  and how can i go wrong when such is the topic and the goal is to glorify only Him?

Lord, i only want to do this and all things for You.  please humble me, so that i may not seek glory for myself, but for You who command it.  humble me, that i may be willing to do whatever it takes, even risk persecution or shame, just to prove that You are the only one who is great.

Kuya Evan said that he was proud of me, that You will use me.  Father, that's all i want--to make others happy, to make You happiest.  i only want to be used by You and by nothing or no one else.

so this is what it feels like...

...actually talking with your parents. my parents, rather.

ok, so we still don't agree. and i bet they think i am the stupidest person right now, to give up the opportunity of working as a nurse in the US in the immediate future.  and they made a pretty darn good point about me not being able to survive on my own even if i made, say, P35k a month here in the Philippines.  it's going to be a pretty big adjustment for me too, having been used to much pampering (though not quite spoiling).

my parents argued that i wouldn't have enough money to support my family (if i am to have one), to live comfortably, and maybe even to retire by the age of 55.  it's not that i don't care about family. au contraire, i wish very much to have an awesome future family life.  and what parent wouldn't want to provide her family with the best life has to offer?  it seems quite pretentious to say that money isn't important, for it is. but i know that there are more important things like God and love, family and friends. even though i anticipate that this bit of truth will be hard to remember when you're barely getting by, what else can we do but try?  and as for living comfortably, well, i've been living that way all my life and i would tell anyone who'd listen that it isn't all that. 4 cars, cable, wi-fi, airconditioning, fine dining, shopping, traveling, gadgets, a good house, maids, never having to worry about money (unless you don't want to ask for it)--i have that, and i'm not the least bit satisfied. thankful, yes, very much so.  but in these past months that i've been getting by with my own savings/earnings and doing what i love, that's when i've been happiest. my God and a life filled with love make me happier than any thing or collection of things could ever dream of doing (if they dreamt, that is).

i know it's right, Lord.  i know this is what You want me to do.  and though i acknowledge that Your support will not guarantee smooth sailing throughout, i am certain that it will all be right and perfect and just beautiful in the end, and that makes me really happy. i am at peace and can't possibly ask for more...

i should be on a FLASH diet

SAY IT AGAIN

No need to translate,
'cause my eyes give me away,
Even though my lips don't say..

This should be so easy,
But my head gets in the way,
All the things that I want to tell you.

You're the most perfect yet,
Most definitely that i've met,
And I wonder if you know that's how I feel about you.
I hope you know..

'cause I have so much love for you.
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove,
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again.

Not enough lovers in life to go around
But there's you and me,
If we don't start it out.. mmmm..
It's not hard to let go
Enough to let me in.
If it's meant to be,
It can only be good.

You're the most perfect fit,
Most definitely that i've met,
And I hope that you feel the same way too
About me.. just let me know..

'cause I have so much love for you,
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove.
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again..

Can you take it from me?
If I give, can you receive?
I'm reaching out,
Giving everything.
I give you my heart, I give you my soul,
I give you it all..

'cause I have so much love for you,
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove.
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again..

seeds

HH yesterday with budj, yan & lhai--so much fun! ang galing! thank You Lord. You just gave us an opportunity to bond and, more importantly, acknowledge the infinite blessings you always give us.

then, last night, as i was doing yrbook stuff, my friend texted me that his talk was coming up. so, i dropped everything i was doing and, surprisingly, prayed quite wholeheartedly again. it has been a while since i last had a real emotional heart-to-heart with You, Lord and i'm really happy that, as always, You keep showing us that You're in charge and everything will be a-ok. heck, i was so inspired that i picked up my drawing pencils again and, although they are hardly masterpieces, came up with something meaningful at last.

after watching Blades of Glory, i struggled to find the right music to help get me in the mood for my quiet time but, thankfully, i finally started really praying in a few songs' time. i recall shedding a few tears--either because i wanted so desperately for my family to understand and accept my service, Lord, or because of my frustrations regarding the you-know-which area of my life. i partly blame myself for the former problem, perhaps because i haven't been doing the proper things to help them see why all of this is so important to me. i also cried because i felt guilty that i've been worrying too much about myself and my so-called problems and haven't been praying so much for the concerns of others. but last night, i was able to pray for them again.

and today, i asked for permission from my mom to attend the Kasangga assembly. although she had plenty of side comments which i chose not to respond to so as to keep the peace, she still allowed me to go so... all is well.

then i went upstairs and read the gospel for today and yesterday. yesterday's reading was quite apt, i thought, for my friend's situation. "If you had faith no larger than a mustard seed...everything would be possible for you." but now that i think about it, it's fitting for me too. i've been stressing so much about going to the US and wanting to be back in time for Christmas, and i've been worrying about really talking with my parents. i'm a bit worried about my career in the near future and even my future-but-seems-nowhere-in-sight love life. but i know You've got it all covered and i just need to trust that You have given me everything i need and that, when the time comes, You will just keep nudging me in the right direction. oh, and that someday, my soulmate will come. so thank You, Lord.

today's gospel is also awesome. "Courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." i was scared to ask for permission but was able to do it. i know that in all situations where it is called for, God will always give me enough strength to accomplish the task. i need not even ask Him for help. i just need to remember that He is always present, He is always the ever-loving guardian. and i can take courage from Him.

everything will work out in the end...

NB

is the artist of the week. hahaha. for some reason, my head keeps reverberating with Natasha Bedingfield's music.

STUMBLE
I'm not the kind of girl you bring to mother
I'm not the kind of girl you kiss in public
My manners leave a lot to be desired
At least im not a liar

And I'm not about the subtle innuendo,
More likely to throw rocks up at your window
Or walk on eggshells so you dont hear
the crazy things I'm saying when you get near me
I'd rather disappear than be faking it, anyway

You like me, yeah, I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words so well
You like me, there I said it
Don't need a dictionary helping me
Cause I can spell

My foot was in my mouth the day I met you,
All my friends they said I'd never get you
But they don't know it when they see it
They need glasses to believe it
They dont understand, so be it
What can I say anyway?

You like me, yeah, I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words, so well
You like me, there I said it
Don't need a dictionary
Helping me, cause I can tell

By the way you turn me on to your favourite band,
By the way you pour me coffee when I'm too tired to stand,
The way you lift me up when I'm fading,
Breathe me in when I'm suffocating
Don't say that it's just because you can

Don't be stupid, thinking I've misjudged you
I know enough to know when someone trusts you
Why fight it now,
It isn't gonna hurt you anyway

You like me and I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words, so well
You like me, there I said it
Don't need a dictionary helping me
Cause I can spell

You like me, yeah, I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble round those words
How you stumble

i got home late last night (or should i say early this morning?) anyway, though my mom didn't seem so furious with me today, she was really ticked off last night, as can be inferred from her txt messages. so i wondered, how do i choose? how do i choose between respecting the wishes of my parents and serving God through YFC? for i am sure that it would be most ideal if i could do both. but how? how will i know?

hmm. the answer seems so simple now. pray and listen to God. duh. haha. in the reading today, it was mentioned how God has put His word in our hearts so we need only listen to His voice in our hearts to find the light that will guide our every step. i think some people call this conscience, but i like to think it's more than that :)

where's my sketchbook?

i'm trying to be an artist again. blame it on upward living :)

testify

i had a great day today. or it seems like that. i think the feeling is probably magnified by the adrenaline rush courtesy of my first talk ever (How to Love @ YFC UPM). and God had provided all the ideas i needed to hopefully be effective. and though i know there really is no one exact formula for loving, i hope that my two cents' worth of blabbing gave someone an inkling, at the very least. haha. i love talking! rather, i love sharing with others the wonderful things God has been and will continue doing in and with my life. i love testifying to other people how God turns sinners and blah humans and losers into beautiful children. "testify" was, for some reason, stuck in my head today, though i haven't heard it in years. it's funny because it's only now that i realized what the writer felt went he wrote those lyrics; it's only now that i can actually sing them and not merely put a tune to a bunch of words stringed together. now, i can sing it from the heart.


"...For as long as I shall live I will testify to love. I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough. With every breath i take, i will give thanks to God above. for as long as i shall live i will testify to love..."

Much has happened….

A truce has been called; implied, rather.

HH yesterday. I realized that we really are growing up and we really do have more responsibilities than ever. I’m especially praying for Har’s concerns with family and finances. Then meedge somewhat explained why the UPCN doesn’t want us to accept the various offers from CBRC and such. Though I don’t fully comprehend, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that what we do now does not only define who we become later, it also affects the lives of those whom we preceded. I guess it’s up to us if we use that for the causes we choose or disregard this yet still affect the future with our thoughtless choices.

I am reminded again of this bit of truth on my way home when I encountered the Manila traffic. Maybe one jeepney driver stopped a bit longer than he should’ve to wait for more passengers, desperately in need of adequate income to support his family. His intentions are good and he means no harm. Yet that one act will not only possibly determine the flow of traffic along Taft and Pedro Gil, but it could also possibly change the lives of men: someone could miss an important interview; a girl’s father might not get to see her blow out her birthday candles; someone could have lived if the ambulance made it in time. Then again, someone could have a few more minutes with a loved one before he has to leave, thanks to the same. No one can tell.

Even if we don’t want to, one day, we will have to admit that there is a connection between all of us. We’ll have to live with the realization that every single thing we do can ultimately affect the lives of one or many in an infinite number of ways. Life is always going to be like a game of dominoes; we can be one of the tiles falling in a certain direction or we can be the odd tile that chooses to go in a different direction and create either a desired or unwanted effect with the move we make. So, what’s it going to be?

the reading for today is taken from Matthew 13:44-46

“He goes and sells all that he has and buys it.”

This entire week has seen me reading gospels about giving up everything the one true thing. Ironically, this was also the week that has seen me doubting my heart and His voice. My parents insist on a plan B (though I haven’t even fully explained the changes made to plan A), and I am tempted to succumb to their reasoning for fear that I might actually need it, as they say.

Yes, Father, I am scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to provide my family with a good future. Yes, it would be nice to help the many who are suffering financially with the money I would earn as a nurse abroad. It would be so easy to give in to a secure future—a good future with minimal uncertainties. But I know in my heart that You have a plan for me—and I trust that it is beautiful. This isn’t certainty that I won’t suffer, no, but it it is certainty that everything will happen according to your plan and for your purposes, right? That brings me at peace.

I want to go with Your plan, Father. Please tell me that I am on the right path, for Yours is the only plan I want to follow. I want to be sure that Yours is the voice in my heart.

where the heart is

jaffy santiago: hi teacher kat!

me: hey!!!

me: grabe ang galing!

me: ittxt sana kita na mag-online ka. hahahahaaa. demanding?

jaffy santiago: talaga? bakit?

jaffy santiago: sayang sa load haha

me: naghahanap ng seryosong kausap

jaffy santiago: haha. gudlak na lang

jaffy santiago: haha. joke

me: hay, mukha ngang no luck pla ko dun. hahahaa

jaffy santiago: bakit ba? wasap?

jaffy santiago: ok ka lang?

me: slight concern

jaffy santiago: go

me: ok. gusto ng parents ko na magtake ako ng NCLEX (have i told you that before?)

jaffy santiago: yep. and?

me: anyway, they're planning na papuntahin nkong calif by january tpos since immigration will usually give you 6 months to stay there, that's exactly what they want me to do. go there, take the test, wait for the results.. and pag pumasa ako, magwork na dun snce mdali daw akong mkkhanap ng work kc may mga kaklala kme dun

me: and i am having difficulty telling them na gusto ko nga maging guro

jaffy santiago: ahh. have you told them already?

me: nasabi ko pero hndi nila sineryoso, saying na mas ok kung mag nurse n nga lng dun --> better future, echos eklavu chenes

me: and i know all that. i know na magiging comfortable ang buhay ko pag nag nurse ako

jaffy santiago: depende rin

jaffy santiago: tsaka ok naman ang suweldo ng teacher, lalo na kung sped or something

me: i don't wanna teach or do anything for the money anyway

jaffy santiago: ahh pero ok na reassurance yun sa parents e. hehe

me: i just wanna serve and be happy at the same time and make a difference

me: yeah, true. except parang nka shutdown sila pag sinasabi ko un and i don't know kung pano ko ipaglalaban 'to. parang ang hirap kc feeling ko sobrang fixed na ung isip ng dad ko.

jaffy santiago: ahh i see

me: tpos habang nag lalalala ung tatay ko sabi ko kay Lord "ano b tlga gagawin ko? di ba eto ung gusto mo na para sa kin?" tpos parang sabi niya "fight for it"

me: pero knina, hndi ko lng kinaya. silent mode lng ako. anyway, un lng nman. haha

jaffy santiago: yeah fight. pero hindi siguro yung harapang kontra

me: ay oo. pasaway. hahahaa

jaffy santiago: if that's where your heart is happy being, i know the He will bless it if you do decide to go for it. after all, He doesn't plant desires in our hearts that aren't for us

me: yeah, that's true pinagdadasal ko lng that He will give me the courage to pursue it. Thanks!

unearthing notes

september 8, 2006
*what follows is a recording of a conversation with a good friend

K: i'm confused. "you know" eyes
i don't want to be HR anymore.
i don't know...it hurts when you are but others aren't

N: Jesus is HR. i'm sure He loves you more than anyone would. ever.
INTERESTED? :p

K: I know. but being HR, He loves us even if we don't show we love Him back...apply to real life situation please. :) but He still sticks with us even if we hurt Him ---> HR!

N: Yup. No one else is more HR than He who loved enough to die for His friends. However, that kind of HRness, you can't expect from a person.

K: but i'm HR.

N: That may be, but His kind of HRness is perfect. to be able to experience the best kind of romance, you need to experience true love from Him first. a wise person said, "you can't give what you don't have!"
so, the love you should be looking for first is the true, perfect, HR to the max love from HIM? :p

K: tru. but if you love someone, shouldn't you try to be as HR as Him?

N: There is a time for everything. first thing's first! di ba, sa priorities mo, God first? i believe that before you love someone, you need to receive love from Him. if not, it will become a stale, half-cooked kind of love. really.

K: owkie.

*pause*

K: so...what are you saying?

N: i'm saying you need to be Jesus' girlfriend before anyone else's. you need a relationship with Him to put right you other relationships.
INTERESTED?

K: owkie. just clarifying.


*end*


i just chanced upon these notes on my palm and it made me laugh and feel nostalgic at the same time. these days, my friends link me to a few people and i tell myself that i'm not ready; that i'm trying to not like anyone in the romantic sense. i guess i'm afraid of the idea of a mismatch or a NOT happily ever after story.

i know now that there will be that perfect moment in God's time for all this. for now, i'm just trying to love Him first, before anything or anyone else :)

oh yeah. in case the deficient use of the term in the conversation was not enough to help you understand its meaning, HR stands for hopeless romantic.

shadowfeet

shadowfeet by brooke fraser is my song these days. i'm doing my best to be a good little daughter of His. stumbling, yes, but walking nevertheless.

i spent a good part of yesterday chatting with a new friend. i really enjoyed talking with him and felt like we had a lot of similarities. one thing i really appreciate in him is how he looks at life and really searches for God in his life. i am actually reminded of St. Therese of Lisieux--serving God in even the smallest of ways.

at one part of our conversation, we talked about PMS and how, sometimes, it can result in such a blessing--a child. i said we should treat it as any other mistake like lying or cheating. we recognize our wrongs and accept them so we may begin to change. everybody deserves forgiveness and second chances. truly, God's love is in everything. like in Juno, blessings can be found even in "a garbage dump of a situation".

a new fave line

"I must endure who I have been, if i am ever to become something else."
- The Haitian, Heroes 53

teacher jaffy shared this line with me from, would you believe, the Heroes comics? meron pla nun?! haha. pero totoo lng :) we have to accept who we were and just be inspired to become who we're supposed to be.

FRESH! victory

came home from fresh less than an hour ago. where do i even begin?!? God's miracles leading up to this victory have been so numerous and awesome! the bonding, praisefests, loving, and the many opportunities to serve Him--woot! one of the greatest experiences of my life so far, definitely.

and although some things, as of this moment, are cloaked still, i know that all will be perfect and awesome in God's time.

some excerpts:
Blair: "Evangelize one, save a thousand."
Jaffy: "When you are weak, then you are strong."
"Who do you think I am? [You are Lord] Then act like it."
"Hindi ung gitara o ung drums ang instrumento. Ang instrumento, tayo."

i know it will be difficult but i feel i am really being called to this mission which i am loving more with each passing moment. [let's pray for this, Kat.]

also, let's try to explain to our parents this commitment and try to really be the change God wants for us.

**this is from the inspiration booth. yay!! just a reminder to love.

BFFs!!!

me: hey chia!!

chia: kaaaatttt!

chia: we're freeeeee!

me: haha. for now...

chia: oo nga eh

chia: pero at least...

chia: hahaha

me: haha. so, ano na plans mo?

chia: ito, rest ng june.

chia: pero nag aaply na din for nclex

chia: tapos naghahanap din ng work

chia: pero mas gusto ko sana volunteer work

chia: nag send na ko ng application sa red cross pero thru internet lang

me: ooh. pano ka ngaapply for nclex? kasi ako din eh. san ka ba?

chia: ewan ko kung papansinin nila

chia: hahaha

chia: calif.

chia: kakastart ko pa lang

me: ako din gurl!!!

chia: www.rn.ca.gov

me: naghahanap pa lng ako ng list of reqts

me: hahaha

me: im at the site right now

me: ako "nagwowork" ngaun. mission volunteer sa yfc. haha. hindi related

me: actually may position pala na full-time nurse sa yfc eh. sa mga GK sites, paang public health nurse.

me: )parang

me: omg

me: balak mo ba sa US mismo magtake ng nclex?

me: sabay tau!!!

chia: hindi eh.

chia: dito ako mag test

chia: ikaw ba, sa states?

chia: hopefully by the end of the year makapag test na ko.

chia: sige, sabay tayo

chia: kuha ka ng ng transcript at pasagutan mo na sa dean nyo yung ibang forms

me: rumor has it na super puno na ung mga magtatake dito eh

me: as in, until 2010 daw

me: daw ha

chia: no wayyyy

chia: waaaaaa

chia: so sa states mo balak??

me: oh no. may sasagutan ung dean? patay na ko

me: sasakalin ako ng dean namin

chia: yeah, meron 3 pages dyan

me: yep, sa US before the year ends dahil mageexpire na ung visa ko sa January, the same time i turn 21!! grabe! double double dead. hahaha

chia: kailangan yun eh.

chia: hehehe

me: oh no tlga. aack. as in malalaman niya na magaapply ako?! no0o0o0oo!!

chia: yeah, you have no choice.

chia: reaaaaaalllyyyyy????

chia: dun ka?

me: actually, hindi ko pa naman sana tlga balak mag-apply. originally, wala tlga kong balak magapply for USRN

me: ngunit

chia: ako 2010 pero... mag 21 na ko sa december!

chia: may effect ba pag more than 21 ka??

me: masmahirap na magrenew ng visa. pero since di pa magexpire ung sau, pwde ka pa

chia: oo nga.

chia: totoo yan

me: eh kasi kung 21 na ko tapos nursing grad pa, isipin nila mag tnt na ko dun noh!!

me: eh un nga, pinoint out ng tatay ko na pag di ako magapply now, i might never get a chance

me: eh naisip ko, ok na din na igrab ung opportunity para madaming options

chia: ganyan din sinasabi ng parents koooo!

me: sa US nlng tau mag-test chi, this year. tapos bakasyon tau. sige naaaa!!!!

me: hahahaa

me: kainaman!

chia: sige sige!!

chia: kelan!

chia: payag na sha

chia: as in katabi ko na sha ngayon

chia: mag apply ka na, bilis!

me: hello po tita/tito!

chia: san ka ba sa states?

me: california nga gehlay

me: haha. ang bading ko tlga noh?

chia: hhahaha

chia: sige, ayusin na natin, kat.

me: halika na halika na. go go go!! mageempake na ko. joke!!!

chia: deal?

me: deal!!!

me: yes!! woohoo.

chia: ok.

chia: ayusin mo na ah.

me: masaya na ko kasi may kasama na ko

me: yay!!

me: alin ba dito???

chia: ako din!1

me: panic

chia: ang pipiliin ko dapat yung method 2.

chia: pero since dun na tayo mag test, method 1

me: teka lng ha. anong method 2 ka jan?

chia: sa site

me: exact link nga gehl

chia: hahaha

chia: wait

chia: hahaha

chia: sorry

chia: confused

chia: ano ulit question mo?

me: anong exact link ng webpage?

chia: wait

chia: puntahan ko

chia: http://www.rn.ca.gov/pdfs/applicants/exam-app.pdf

chia: yan

me: thanks thanks!!

chia: no prob

me: yay! i can't believe it! i'm so happy na. haha.

chia: pano kaya natin malalaman yung status ng nclex talaga?

chia: para hindi tayo nag ddepend lang sa rumors

chia: hahaha

chia: anyway, lunch na kami

chia: i have to go

chia: hehehe

me: ok

chia: keep in touch!

chia: sana masimulan mo na this week

me: talk to u later! hi to everyone

chia: ok ok?

me: ok. will do balitaan nlng tau

chia: read this, text me or sa ym.

chia: sagutan mo na yung application ah

chia: madali lang naman

chia: hehehe

chia: later!

me: okiedokie!!

chia: good luck satin!

me: toodles!!

me: yeah!!

chia: im glad nakakita ako ng kasama!

chia: hahahaha

me: me too!!

chia: this should be fun!

chia: hahaha

chia: later

chia has signed out. (6/9/2008 12:01 PM)

batch history :)

let God and let go

i finished applying for the NLE's a while ago. it took us about 2 hours, technically, though there were many struggles prior to the 2 hours of processing, etc.

while everybody hoped to finish as soon as possible, i was half-wishing that i wouldn't be able to apply, hoping i could go on that trip with my family instead. however, i remembered that a few nights ago, i asked God to make the decision for me because i didn't have the wisdom nor the courage to do so myself. and today, i stood by my faith in Him. i know that i really want to be with my family this summer and now, i am certain that i won't be doing that. but i accept Your will Lord; i believe that it isn't by my own cowardice or misjudgment that i am in this situation, but that it is because of a bigger plan.

sometimes it is extremely difficult to accept Your will and give up our own intentions completely, even if we know that putting out trust in You is the best thing that we could possibly do. and yes, You ask that we love You wholeheartedly, though i also know that You understand that it is initially difficult for us to remove ourselves from that which is not right. so, at first, we crawl. i guess what's important is that in spite of our tears, we still try our best to do Your will. After all, You do not require perfection but intention.

afterwards, our faith in Your will becomes stronger and we come to the realization that a life dedicated to service may seem like a life of sacrifices. indeed. just as Your disciples left their lives behind for You, so we are also called to give up everything and take up our cross.

because the Father loves us so, i believe that there will be another chance for me to be with my family. perhaps my absence, in some bizzaare way, will help them patch things up with each other. i don't know. all i am certain of is this: the Lord knows best. He loves us dearly and will only give us what is ultimately best for us.

Luke 8:16

*random bible flip*

"no one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl or under a bed. A lamp is always put on a lampstand, so that people who come into a house will see the light."



God is telling you to shine! to spread his beautiful Word :)

the real easter bunny

"...lead me to the cross where Your love poured out
bring me to my knees, Lord i lay me down
RID ME OF MYSELF, I BELONG TO YOU
lead me, LEAD ME TO THE CROSS..."

You could be excellent, you could be the person that I want you to be, the person you also want to be...if you just allow yourself to become that person. if you allow Me to work in you....

til i see you...

i finally cried.. just a little though. maybe i'm still in denial. or maybe it won't be so bad. i know i'd miss the 4 days or more a week spent in 4rcb1.. i could cry because of that. but somehow, the Lord is trying to reassure me that i'd still get the chance to be with these great people. even now, i'm cooking up reasons to visit the ward. haha. truth be told, i only cry because i still want to bond with them and it is my impulsive behavior that wants to do this right this moment.

i'm not sure if it is a false hope i feel rising in my heart that i'd be working here soon. but i know that the Father is kind and loving--He will place me here again unless He knows i can be of even more service elsewhere. and if that happens, then there really is nothing to cry about.

Father, there are so many great people whom i've met recently and i really would love to get to know them better and become real friends with them. please, please, please. also Father, i pray for my other relationships, other areas. please keep the bonds strong. please continue to bless all whom i love.

Father i pray for YFC; i hope more people will just be changed by You and will devote their lives and energies to serving You. father, i pray for my career (nurse/teacher/mission volunteer). i pray for my family and friends and future co-staff *crosses fingers* and even for my soulmate (if that is in your plans). lastly, i pray for my self, my relationship with You. i pray to love You better and really manifest that in my very being :)

you and me

i'm about to eat lunch alone.. it's been a while since i last did this. so, it's just me, affordable food, a nice and roomy booth, and a lot of thoughts :) it'll be nice to do this again. i really missed You and me, after all..just the two of us. Lord, so many things have happened these past two months and if i were to describe them collectively, there would be no more fitting word than "BEAUTIFUL". simple as that. You have turned nursing into something i love so dearly; You have changed me yet again and i am sustained by the promise that things can only get even better because everything happens according to your will. You have turned me into a person who wants to be excellent in serving others and, ultimately, in serving You. i am so blessed to wake up every day and actually look forward to almost everything that You have prepared for me and have asked me to accomplish. i feel like the future is so bright, not just for me, but for everyone because Your great love for us allows it, fosters it. Lord there have been so many hardships, even failures, but right now, as i look back at them, i only see obstacles and how You have turned them into victories yet again.

Father, you know in my heart that although i still aim to accomplish all that you have called me to do, i have found peace in this unexpected place and it is only natural that i am afraid to leap to the next stage and leave this new family i have come to love. "for moving forward is rarely accomplished without a considerable amount of grief". but i trust that one day, the sun will rise again, as it always does. and maybe on that day, i will be with all whom i love. and You will be closest to me :)